Football Poets

“Why are you putting on cricket pads?”
says God to old Saint Pete.
“Cos Norman Hunter’s coming up
and he’s dangerous with his feet.

We’ll put him on Cloud number Six
where he can hang his England Caps on […]

As Bob sat in his mum’s furnished basement
Watching re-runs of ‘Murder She Wrote’
On to a small piece of paper
to himself he wrote
a wee note.

“Remember to change over the channel
Make sure you do […]

As passengers moaned and writhed with pain
some were saved by Harry
from Coleraine.
As injured victims for life did beg
back into the plane dived Harry Gregg.

A Man United and Northern Ireland great
A […]

It was a late September
Not as far back as Sixty- Three
Much more near the year Seven-tee

All day at school I was in a dream
trying to figure out my team.
As the history teacher ranted
about ancient Greece […]

When I came of footballing age
hyphenated names were not the rage.
Well there was one
Ian Storey-Moore.
This was a much longer name than Denis Law
Alan Bloor or Ian Ure.

But it was rhymer friendly
A […]

Some call her Lou Lou, some Isabella
But to most fans at Palace, she was Missus Minchella.
“Peanuts forra sixpence
A tanner a bagga”
Her accent went through you
Like a sharpened up dagger.
She was boi […]

There’s only one Archie
The Prince of Preston
The Earl of Derby
The Sheriff of Nottingham
Wispy haired , with deft of touch
The King of Scotland
when he slayed the Dutch
There’s only one Archie.

Cramp is soooo Sixties
Modern players don’t do cramp
They have cool injuries
Like metatarsals and ACLU’s
They do warm ups and warm downs
They Have personal masseurs and dietitians
They’re up to date on al […]

When millennials hear of Banksy
they think of the bloke who scrawls on walls
But when oldies think of Banksy
they remember the great goalie saving balls.
Of his heroic days at Wembley
especially in July of […]

I witnessed a commotion in my local saloon
With an Irish fan ranting and acting the loon
“They stole our potatoes
now they’re after our Rice.”
He was so agitated he screamed it out twice […]

Organizing – Pointing- Shouting Man-On
Where have all the great Captains gone?
Urging –Goading- heart on sleeve
When did all the great Captains leave?
Memories of Bremner and Mackay
For the cause pre […]

“ Can you imagine how nervous Lagos Aspas must feel?”
Cried the commentator
“It must be impossible to feel more nervous
If he misses they’re out.”

“Look how nervous those Argentinian fans are.”
Cri […]

Germans retreating from Russia
Without a tank or a snowflake in sight
Put out by the feisty Koreans
Who put up a way better fight

It wasn’t their first time in Russia
Nor the first time they’ve gone unp […]

Panama punished with six of the best
Didn’t do their homework and failed on their test
Three of those strikes came from the Kane
But hats off to Panama
they played through the pain
Two more strikes
from t […]

In a little Yorkshire village that Maggie helped destroy
A Grandfather meets his Grandson who’s no more a little boy
The Grand-son’s a millennial, born the year of ninety five
And his grand-dad’s nearly n […]

They call him the Greaves of the Orient
He comes from somewhere in Korea
And in defenders in England and Europe
He’s starting to instill mighty fear.

He won’t get the accolades of others
Like Deme Alle or E […]

“What’s your name lad?”
“Watt”
“What?”
“Yes Watt”
“What did you say?”
“Watt”
“Off you go lad – you don’t ‘What’ me
I’m a no nonsense referee.”
The coach came on, said “you’re ‘aving a larf
why you sendi […]

They said I lost the room
Where all the players dressed
Thanked me for all my efforts
And wished me all the best
My replacement then appeared
Just minutes after my sacking
Only two days after the Board
Had […]