Toys for the Boys
Well I don’t know what to say – it seems a bit shallow to talk football when all this is going on, but operating on the assumption that “What do they know about international politics who only international politics know”, we’ll talk some football. My latest view from the bench comes on the back of a successful autumn for the website – poems in a Channel 4 book to go with a TV programme on creative writing for schools; requests from all over for material for National Poetry Day; requests for material for academic courses; feminist discourse on www.footballculture.net from our very own Rosemary Dun; Apple Day performances for Common Ground and as a reply to Rosemary and as a follow up to my last view from the bench, we have
“The Most Useless Lines Ever Written About Football
(Or Rudyard Kipling’s Views on how to be a New Man)”
Kipling said “If you can meet Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same
You’ll be a Man my son.”
I ask, in parenthesis,
Is it a paradox,
That he so much liked the Maxim Gun?
But, nevertheless,
I’ve tried this stoical approach,
This “What do I care if we win or lose?” whimsy,
This “It’s only football so what does it really matter?”
Sort of flotsam-flimsy,
And, nevertheless,
Whenever the latest temporary scores
Change into those ineluctable full time results,
Whenever Faith, Hope and Charity
Are nullified by teletextual reality,
I find it impossible to face the TV screen
With a self composed, icy intellectual,
Self possessed equanimity,
Focussed on the Infinite.
And I bet it’s the same for you,
I bet it is,
Because I don’t care what you are,
I don’t care whether you’re blokes, coves, youths, chaps,
Shavers, new men, old men, seamen,
Pleased to meet you boy next door men, –
Because can you honestly face a last minute loss so stoically?
Can you steadfastly ignore a last second win gained heroically?
Can you be the oh-so-cool laid-back disinterested fan,
The oh so perfectly reconstructed New Man?
Now, I’ve deconstructed myself,
And then re-constructed myself
And then deconstructed myself again and again,
I don’t know whether I’m Bill or whether I’m Ben,
From the literate re-birthed Flower Pot Men,
But on Saturday afternoons at 10 minutes to 5,
That’s when I really come alive,
Short changed by defeat or charged up by a victory,
Singing my intellect a temporary valedictory,
And then I’m not a New Man,
I’m not an old man,
I don’t know what I am,
Half boy, half man,
A footballing Peter Pan –
And I know that this must make some feminists choke,
But, honestly, it’s not easy being a bloke.
About This Site
Welcome to Football Poets -- a club for all football poets, lovers of football and lovers of (alternative) poetry. Discover poets in every league from respected internationals at the top of their game to young hopefuls in the school playground.
Publish your football poems here and then discuss them with your team mates and fans. We're archived by The British Library, so your masterpieces are in the safe hands of a world-class keeper. What a result!
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Latest Poems
joe morris
29th March 2024
Clik The Mouse
28th March 2024
Crispin Thomas
28th March 2024
joe morris
25th March 2024
Rowan Waller
24th March 2024
Mike Bartram
23rd March 2024
joe morris
21st March 2024
kevin halls
18th March 2024
Richard Williams
18th March 2024
joe morris
18th March 2024
Crispin’s Corner
In Memoriam
Kick It Out & Christmas Truce
Latest Comments
19th March 2024 at 8:00 am
Hi Crispin. Chris Sutton on the radio has gone for a Chelsea v Coventry final. As we know anything can happen in the Cup, and I reckon we can go to the final.
We’re still in with a chance of the play offs too, so lots to go for.
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19th March 2024 at 7:41 am
Hey Kev
Let the masses drool over their odds on City v Unted Final, but who knows how pressure can hit.
Cov and Chels will be rightly labelled as having no chance..but hey …stranger things have happened..
so Chelsea v Coventry…that’s the Final for us!
Best
C
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29th January 2024 at 10:03 pm
Hi Crispin,
How are you doing mate? Yes, you’re probably right but hey football is all about emotion and passion and I just love writing about the game. I try to keep my poetry to a reasonable length but there’s so much to write about the game and its literature just lends itself naturally to poetry. Sometimes I just get completely carried and I do apologise for the length of my poetry but it’s a great thrill to be associated with Football Poets.
Cheers mate
Joe
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10th January 2024 at 7:52 pm
You’re right of course Joe but…..it’s actually more of a big welcome break for everyone who is not into Premier League ..I’m talking fans of EFL National League and below…..
Btw …is this actually your longest poem ever !?
Best
Crispin
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8th January 2024 at 4:45 pm
Thanks!
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8th January 2024 at 10:42 am
There’s something so evocative and nostalgic for football fans the world over, in ‘revisiting’ old lost grounds.
Occasionally some remnants remain, with perhaps part of a wall or part or a stand or thre shape of a terrace, but often they are only still there in faded images and in our heads..
Great stuff Graham
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4th January 2024 at 10:13 am
A great idea and well executed. Thanks Graham.
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19th November 2023 at 1:45 pm
Thanks Gacina, glad you liked it, and I have just posted a new one about our points deduction…
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7th November 2023 at 6:34 pm
Today B.B.C post on F.B was titled:Premier League reduced to 18 clubs? I really think it may be interesting to see if this would be Everton’s nightmare and this poem is well suited for this concern.If there would be more difficult battle to stay if there were 18 teams.Great poem and somehow true.
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6th November 2023 at 4:43 pm
Ashington FC have launched a £50,000 Crowdfunder appeal to meet the increased costs of winning promotion last season, to pay for urgent stadium improvements, travel costs and equipment
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