In a way, I couldn’t be bothered to put pen to paper,
It didn’t seem right to write:
All those bleeding heart Guardian letter page liberals,
All that competitive outpouring of sympathy
And right-on condemnation of western culture;
Debates about the existence of God,
The inexorable might of Nature,
And the wonders of a goat for Christmas
Sit uneasily with the threat posed by Colchester United.
But as I topped up my Orange card,
The shop assistant (sorry, “Customer Champion”)
Said “Have a nice day and a Happy New Year”,
And as I put my money in “The Asian Disaster Relief Fund” bucket,
And as I read my complimentary copy of the Times on the train,
With the story of the woman giving up a new £400 stair carpet,
By giving the money to help out instead,
And then the tale of survivors running for boats,
Pursued by gluttonous crocodiles,
I wrote these lines in the buffet car,
And hoped that charity will not begin at home.
© Stuart Butler
Proud to be British and English – we lead the world at the moment in generosity. Ah! But, the widow’s mite – what will the rich footballers give?