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In Drogheda in seventy-seven, the football wasn’t pretty,
United Park was never full, which was an awful pity,
To rub some salt into the wound, a few miles up the coast,
Oriel was now the ground where Louth fans gathered most.
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The few die-hards in Drogheda, they cast a baleful eye
Towards their bitter rivals as the season plodded by.
Dundalk’s star was on the rise, the Drog’s was on the wane –
The claret and blue army felt the anguish and the pain.
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The Chairman of Supporters then came up with an idea.
He said, “We’ve got to think of ways to get more fans in here.
The football isn’t up to much, in fact its pretty awful,
But still, we must devise a means to make our ground look more full.”
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“Celebrities!” he yelled, and banged his fist upon the bar,
“The crowds’ll come from far and wide to see a real star!
If people heard that Elvis would be at the quarter-final,
The queues would stretch to Termonfeckin, don’t you think so, Lionel?”
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His friend replied, “I know that it’s a big game in the Cup,
But it isn’t very likely Mr. Presley will turn up.
From what I’ve heard, he’s old and fat and finds it hard to walk.
What makes you think that he’ll turn up to watch us playing Cork?”
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“That’s only an example, fool!” the Chairman answered back,
“It could be Bjorn and Benny, or it could be Cilla Black!
Celebrities are everywhere, we just need to enrol,
Some superstars of stage and screen, and even rock and roll.”
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The Chairman of the Supporters’ Club [whose name, I think, was Seamus]
Then set to work to write to everybody rich and famous.
He wrote to every rock band, every Gaelic-playing Dub,
Inviting them to enrol in the Drogs Supporters’ Club.
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He wrote to Johnny Rotten and he telegrammed the Pope,
And, though they didn’t answer, Seamus never gave up hope.
The people, who lived in the town, they backed him to the core,
And joined up in such numbers as there’d never been before.
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However, it is sad to say, the venture was a failure,
Despite a bit of interest from Bob Marley and a Wailer.
A minor English football coach was all that was enrolled,
Together with an ageing showband singer, truth be told.
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“Still and all, we haven’t done that bad,” admitted Seamus.
“Dave Sexton is quite popular and Dickie Rock is famous.
And many folk in Drogheda have been enrolled en masse,
So naturally the hoped-for crowd increase has come to pass.”
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In County Meath around that time was singer Ian Dury.
He was on a walking holiday from Dublin up to Newry.
He hoped ere could be something up in Drogheda might make
Him come up with a record that would give him his big break.
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And, as he was a-strolling as the evening turned to dark,
He chanced upon the street that led down to United Park,
And there he saw a poster, stuck up proudly on a pole,
Announcing in bold letters,
“Sexton, Drogs and Rock Enrol.”