Santa Claus had no idea
He’d left his list behind him,
Poor Rudolph had gone on the beer
And Santa couldn’t find him.
Then Santa crashed into a door,
And all the toys got muddled,
And, when he ‘woke with head so sore,
His mind had been befuddled.
His sleigh was wrecked beyond repair,
And so he robbed a tandem,
And off he cycled everywhere,
Delivering gifts at random.
To little boys who wanted studs –
Two tickets to the ballet.
To girls who yearned for perfumed goods –
Southend v Crystal Palais.
He dashed around from house to house
As fast as he could scooter,
And thus you got a clockwork mouse,
And not a new computer.