KMAS in a shootout,
blatant outfield diving,
players baiting the ref.
Getting booked for celebrating,
cynical challenges late and high,
linesmen who don’t know the offside rule,
teams that role over and die.
Foul and abusive language,
teams that play for a draw,
racist and indecent windups,
teams that can’t keep the ball on the floor.
Fans who boo their own team,
the new “star striker” who can’t play for heck,
metatarsals in general,
the horrible injuries to Cudicini and Cech.
The yuppie fan with a prawn sandwich,
managers who question everything,
that endless yellow card toll.
A defensive wall that won’t link arms,
players complaing about what they earn,
plastic pitches and astro,
flaiming friction burns.
That horrible out-swinning corner,
(stay on your line and expect the unexpected),
clearances landing beautifully for forwards,
defensive headers that are wretched.
Ostentatious mastery of the step-over,
precise textbook crosses to deserted clumps of grass,
one-on-ones which are VERY offside,
that arrogant winger who refuses to pass.