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An Unfortunate Blemish

Peter Goulding

Tuesday, August 12th, 2003

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Cornelius Tighe
Was a sensitive guy,
For a goalie of thirty six years.
When anyone spoke
Of his acne, he broke
Down and frequently burst into tears.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 His team’s opposition
Abused the position.
To rattle him was fairly simple.
The forwards would cry,
With a gleam in their eye,
“Is there anyone under that pimple?”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 And so he resorted
To creams that purported
To leave one’s skin perfectly clear.
And he laid it on thick,
Like cement on a brick,
With a trowel, from ear to ear.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Well, the treatment was stressful,
But rather successful,
For most of the spots disappeared.
And the ones that remained
Were quite small and restrained
And were hidden beneath his grey beard.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 But there was a whopper,
A big, red gobstopper,
That perched on the bridge of his nose.
And blast and confound it!
He could scarcely see round it,
Lying there in such splendid repose.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Well, matchday came round,
And he came to the ground,
With the pimple all bright and aglow.
And the manager saw
There was trouble in store,
So he turned to his centre half, Joe.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Now Joe was quite good,
And he soon understood,
That the problem would need to be teased out.
Cornelius Tighe
Might well break down and cry,
If the gallons of pus were not squeezed out.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 To his team’s opposition,
Joe then put the position,
Eschewing all wheelings and dealings.
And he spoke to them all
‘Bout the game of football,
And appealed to their sportsmanlike feelings.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 And when he’d been heard,
All the players concurred
That Tighe’s pimple would not get a mention.
They would win fair and square,
And it wouldn’t be fair
If they singled it out for attention.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 The game was a tough one,
A physical, rough one,
But the others were good as their word.
Though ankles were broken,
No “P” word was spoken,
Or if it was, then old Tighe never heard.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Then right at the end,
He was forced to upend
The onrushing striker, Frank Knott.
And the fans in the stands
Put their heads in their hands
As the ref pointed straight to the spot.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/an-unfortunate-blemish/