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astro-turf

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 A warning to keepers, heed it please,
ignore the way the goal comes up to your knees,
the thing which I’d like to confide,
is expect attack that dosen’t subside,
on astro for 5-a-side.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Every shot makes you jump a mile,
when the bounce is just so very vile,
And forget that lifeline, the old offside,
they killed that to give forwards an easy ride.
A striker’s game this 5-a-side.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Don’t dive too fast, ’cause all that earns,
is some lovely friction burns.
In fact don’t hit the floor at all,
just stay upright and stand tall.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Each and every time you dive,
feels like landing in a bee-hive.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 At least it keeps the outfield on their feet!

1

Notes

I once got booked for uttering a profinity after diving on the stuff. Try explaining to a ref that your insult was directed at the pitch rather than the opposing winger who’s feet you’ve just dived at…

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/astro-turf/