When you lose in a Champions League Final,
The Captain should take it with strength,
Not blub like a leaky urinal
And cry, cry and cry at great length.
He should put a strong arm round your shoulder
And help put defeat in perspective,
Be steady and strong as a boulder
And help to deflect the invective.
Put personal disappointment behind him,
And help to console all his peers.
He should not need a wet nurse to mind him,
And dry his unstoppable tears.
In Moscow, the captain showed clearly
He hasn’t great leadership qualities
And I’ve always maintained that, sincerely,
Long before all these scurrilous jollities.