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Celery – sticks of dynamite?

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 A hat-trick of reactions

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 So the throwing of celery
Is now a felony
But falling to the floor
As if finding a trapdoor
Can get you rewarded
With points and millions sordid

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 ~ : ~

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Celery
Sticks in the craw
If savoured
Now it’s against the law
If favoured
Over bottles, coins, mobile phones
Or any other such equally sharp objects
That could potentially strip the flesh from bones

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 ~ : ~

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 So celery
Goes the way of David Ellery –
Retired from action
No more satisfaction
In ticklish humour
For the consumer

See Crispin’s poem : The Celeries Increase

And Stuart’s poem : Chelsea new money vegetables

And Kevin’s poem : Celery R.I.P.

This after the news that (and to quote CFC’s official website …)
“The throwing of anything at a football match, including celery, is a criminal offence for which you can be arrested and end up with a criminal record.The Football Association is now investigating referees’ reports that celery has been thrown at two recent Chelsea Football Club matches which could result in sanctions being taken against the club.
In future, if anyone is found attempting to bring celery into Stamford Bridge they could be refused entry and anyone caught throwing celery will face a ban.”


On a personal note, despite what could be inferred from the above, I’m with the club on this one.

I’ve always felt that throwing anything at anyone should not be condoned. (Unless of course, it’s a well aimed succession of possession from your goalkeeper!)

In particular, when I saw the Cesc Fabregas incident – how was he to know that in among the celery being lobbed at him, that there mightn’t be something more dangerous thrown?

And in the same vein : perhaps yesterday at the end of the Spurs v Chelsea quarter final cup tie, Frank Lampard maybe shouldn’t have ducked, but waited to see if the encroaching Spurs fan only wanted to slap him with a lump of our celebrated celery?

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/celery-sticks-of-dynamite/