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Closer To The Bottom

Trent Morris

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 There was a time
when we would climb
the rungs of FIFA rankings,
but recently,
indecently,
we’ve seen our share of spankings.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Our women have done well,
meanwhile our men, they fell and fell.
We doubt we’ll ever qualify again.
For all our fruitless labours
we have met some nice new neighbours
since we found ourselves ranked
one hundred and ten,

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 . . . and this is a poem about them (and us, the new Canadians on the block).

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 We’re closer to the bottom than the top.
No money for the finer things to shop.
Our players, to a man,
drink beer on weekends with Bhutan,
oh, we are closer to the bottom than the top.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 We’re closer to the evil place than heaven.
We haven’t seen a World Cup now in seven.
Facebook friends unlike us,
garbage day is Turks and Caicos’,
oh, we’re closer to the evil place than heaven.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 We’re closer to the losers than the winners.
They’re five star restaurants. We’re TV dinners.
Results like a casino.
Stay out late with San Marino,
oh, we’re closer to the losers than the winners.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 We’re headed for the valley, not the peak.
No one commits. We’re destined to stay weak.
We’re dropping like a stone
to depths that we have never known,
oh, we are headed for the valley, not the peak.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 It’s not so much that we lack personnel.
It’s just that, when it counts, we don’t play well.
We used up our endurance
picking balls out for Hondurans,
oh, it’s not so much that we lack personnel,

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 . . . but, . . .

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 we’re closer to the bottom than the top.
When’s our men’s team’s free fall gonna stop?
I’d call up Mr. Blatter,
but he doesn’t think we matter
’cause we’re closer to the bottom than the top.

© Trent Morris 2014

Notes

All apologies to Bhutan, San Marino and Turks and Caicos, all of which I understand to be beautiful countries.

October 16, 2012, San Pedro Sula, Honduras, HON 8-1 CAN (at the time, Canada was reportedly ranked in the low 60’s, higher than Scotland (then, in the 70’s; now, 22)). Full disclosure – FIFA ranked Canada even lower (113) in February, 2014. On the bright side, if FIFA created two divisions, we would be among the favourites, as we would be in the top six of the bottom half (behind Bahrain, Kenya, Central African Republic, Kuwait and Latvia). Mouth-watering. TM

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/closer-to-the-bottom/