Conspiracy
¶ 1
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The draw for the FAI Cup, Second Round,
Had just been made on television,
And down in the Leesiders’ Cork City ground,
They viewed the event with suspicion.
¶ 2
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For Cork had been handed a difficult draw,
Although they’d been first out the hat,
And there were conspiracy theories galore,
Though none of them started by Pat.
¶ 3
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Those bastards who live up in Merrion Square,
Who seem to do nothing but talk,
Have fiddled the draw, for its obvious they’re
Incredibly biased ‘gainst Cork.
¶ 4
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And every time City should lose in a game,
It can always be traced to the ref.
For he’ll listen, when Dublin teams point out the blame,
But to Cork protestations, he’s deaf.
¶ 5
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Just check out the stats, going back through the seasons,
Refs never give Cork a decision,
And that is just one of the myriad reasons
Why Cork fans treat refs with derision.
¶ 6
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Never a penno, and never a free,
Never a dodgy offside,
In fact, there’s a rumour that one referee
Deflected a goalbound shot wide.
¶ 7
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For Cork are the greatest, all credit to Pat,
And should win at home or away.
The fact that they don’t, seems to indicate that
There’s mysterious forces at play.
¶ 8
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Pats are obsessive and Rovers are scum,
Shels are both scum and obsessive,
Crowe isn’t worthy to wipe O’Flynn’s bum
And Hawkins and Hunt aren’t impressive.
¶ 9
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O’Flynn is a God and O’Callaghan too,
While Woodsy is gutsy and fiery,
But the playing field just isn’t level or true,
There should be a public enquiry.
¶ 10
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Oh, down by the Leeside, they all worship Pat,
In fact, he’s the second Messiah,
But its becoming more patently obvious that
His opponents just plot and conspire.
¶ 11
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This Turnersgate scandal is bound to come out,
The entire despicable story,
How one soccer team, who were lacking in clout,
Were robbed of their fame and their glory.
¶ 12
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Oh, well might Pat threaten, if Cork are defeated,
To go out and hire a lawyer,
For it’s perfectly clear that his team are being cheated,
Its definitely not paranoia.
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