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Dental Hygiene

Peter Goulding

Tuesday, March 29th, 2005

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Oh gather round, ye boys and girls,
Pay heed to one of wisdom’s pearls,
And brush your teeth both day and night,
Or else you’ll share Dave Crawley’s plight.
This tale began at Turner’s Cross,
When poor old Dave forgot to floss,
And though it might seem quite judgemental,
Oral hygiene’s fundamental.
Dave of course is Shels’ left back,
Who blunts the other team’s attack,
But normally he plays it cute
By using head or football boot.
On this occasion though, my friend,
The game was nearly at an end,
When Gorgeous George O’Callaghan
Approached the burly Shelbourne man.
Dave did not attempt to kick,
Or punch, or gouge, or give him stick.
It must have been poor Davie’s breath
That brought the Corkman close to death.
The garlic that he’d had for lunch
Administered the sucker punch.
And down went George in crumpled heap,
In total anaesthetic sleep.
The Cork fans, to be sure, were seething
Over Dave’s malicious breathing,
And screamed for him to be expelled
Because his breath distinctly smelled.
The ref, thank God, showed common sense,
And punished this hygiene offence,
And to the fans relief he gave
Red card and toothbrush to our Dave.
And thus Dave took the well-worn path
Towards a rather early bath.
Not only that but I heard tell,
Too late! He brushed his teeth as well.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 So children, brush your teeth because
You’ll get sent off at Turner’s Cross.

© Peter Goulding 29th March 2005

Notes

Gorgeous George went down as though poleaxed despite no contact from Shels’ Dave Crawley, who was sent off.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/dental-hygiene/?shared=email&msg=fail