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On his afternoon off he used to kick a ball,
with some skill and aplomb, so the locals recall;
until the day finally came when he plucked up the guile
to go and ask big fat Sid for a pre-season trial.
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Fat Sid ran the works and the football club too,
bigger men had emerged from his room –
four foot two.
So when ugly came knocking with his brush and his ball
Sid Laughed, “get back to work, your too fucking small”.
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When many years on little ugly retired
as a footballing legend in sumptuous recline,
he was asked of his life and the one thing he never did
he replied with a lisp,
“I never did eat at Sid’s”.