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Eliminate The Hyphenate

John J O’Connor

Thursday, October 31st, 2019

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 When I came of footballing age
hyphenated names were not the rage.
Well there was one
Ian Storey-Moore.
This was a much longer name than Denis Law
Alan Bloor or Ian Ure.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 But it was rhymer friendly
A terrace lyricists dream
It would trot off the tongue
as you cheered your team.
Stiles to Best
Best to Law
Out on the wing to Storey- Moore.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Then one day the off springs
of Ian Wright appeared.
Both good players who defenders feared
But the name Wright-Phillips
didn’t roll from the tongue
so they never heard
their names being sung.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Now football’s in the midst
of its latest craze
names like Oxlaide-Chamberlain
and Villa’s Jake Doyle-Hayes.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek and Brooklyn Lyons-Foster
If you pay for every letter on the shirt
I’d imagine it will cost ya.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Callum Hudson-Odoi and Nathaniel Mendez-Laing
Trent Alexander- Arnold how can these names be sang?
And to prove that it’s not just a shotgun that has a double barrel
we’ve Northern Ireland’s goalkeeper, Bailey Peacock-Farrell

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 The likes of Kyle Walker-Peters have made life so very hard
For the poor old football lyricist and the terrace bard.
Try putting a tune to Hal Robson-Kanu or Cameron Humphreys-Grant
I’ll bet you all your Esso coins that you bloody can’t.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 So when players get bored of this fad
and sling their hyphen from their pram
They’ll have to think of another way to honor dad and mam

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 So no disrespect to James Ward-Prowse
He’ll understand I’m sure
But football life was so much simpler
with just Ian Storey- Moore.

Notes

Hope none of our hyphenated readers get offended as it’s mostly tongue in cheek. However, in between worrying about more important matters in life, I sometimes wonder what will happen in the future if Mr Hyphenate marries Ms Hyphenate and their son (or daughter) become a footballer. Will there be room for the shirt number, the sponsors name or whatever else they stick on the shirt?

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/eliminate-the-hyphenate/