Jailhouse Cup (Final)

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Guv’nor plonked a Big Screen in a London Jail,
Inmates gathered round, they had no wine or ale.
Only wheatgrass, tea or coffee they could sup,
But my, you shoulda seen ’em lap that Final Up!

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Let’s watch, everbody, let’s watch!
Not one fella in that calaboose
Had any thought of breaking loose!

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Norman Stanley Fletcher’s norm’lly for the O’s,
Just for ninety minutes rooted for the Blues,
Buddy, cellmate Godber piped up from his bed:
“If you’re supporting City, I’ll be for the Reds…”

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Let’s gawp, everybody let’s gawp!
Everybody in that London clink,
Was drunk on Footie, not on drink.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Hardman Scot, MacKay was yellin’ “U-NI-TED”!
Sotto voce Barrowclough: “C’mon, Citeh”
Who’d ‘ve ever thunk you’d see a pair of “screws”,
Gettin’ so worked up about the Reds ‘n’ Blues?

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Let’s stare, everybody let’s stare!
Everybody in that Cockney Jug,
Was het up ‘ bout the F. A. Cup!

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Sev’ral thousand miles away across the Pond,
Transatlantic Cousins now of Soccer fond.
In Shawshank, St Quentin, Alcatraz, Sing Sing,
To Wembley, London, England they was all tuned in!

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Let’s rock, everybody, let’s rock!
Every Convict in that Metro Quod,
Was jivin’ to the F.A. Rock!

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Zena is a bustlin’ Port in Italee,
In a certain quarter known as Marassee,
There’s no talk of Genoa or Sampdoree,
Tutti allo Schermo son’incollati!

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Guardiam, dai ragazzi, guardiam!
Tutti quanti in quell’ vecch’ prigion,
Davanti alla tel’vision…

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 1/6/23
Denys E. W. Jones



This curtain-raiser for Saturday’s Manc Derby FA Cup Final is a re-working of His Rock ‘n’ Roll Highness Elvis Presley’s (He’s my King!) number, Jailhouse Rock ( lyrics by Jerry Leiber, music by Mike Stoller, 1957. To appreciate this one fully you need to know the song, and also to have a basic knowledge of the British Situation Comedy entitled Porridge, starring Ronnie Barker and Richard Beckinsale. (It’s all explained on Wikpedia…) Regarding the word “screws”, I mean no offence to any Prison Officer – if you have prisons, you need someone to staff them… I am merely using a common term for prison officer employed by inmates, I believe. Regarding American penitentiaries, well Shawshank is fictional, I think, (cf the Stephen King novella), Alcatraz is no longer operational, I do not know about the other two, but this is poetry, so I felt they must all get a mention. As for Zena, I have already told you it is Genova/Genoa, and in the area called Marassi, you will find the Luigi Ferraris Stadium, shared by Genoa Cfc and Sampdoria, ok, some of you will know that already, what you perhaps do not know is that across the street from Genoa’s Gradinata Nord is Marassi Jail! The city’s main House of Correction…
This poem is pure fantasy, but my hope is that prison inmates, whatever crimes they may or may not have committed, will be allowed to enjoy the FA Cup Final like the rest of us. Should be a cracking match…

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/jailhouse-cup-final/