Jimmy Johnstone
¶ 1
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The Shelbourne oul’ lads tell this tale,
And swear it is the truth.
I heard it first when but a pale
And unattractive youth.
¶ 2
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Jimmy Johnstone, Super Celt,
A jewel so brightly lustred,
Had left Parkhead, though it was felt
He still could cut the mustard.
¶ 3
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Campanologist supreme
[Extremely fond of Bell’s],
He was the Reds’ accountant’s dream
The day he signed for Shels.
¶ 4
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His thirst for knowledge knew no bounds,
He’d limitless voracity.
But when he turned out, football grounds
Were bursting to capacity.
¶ 5
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But there was one bizarre match, which
Was played on New Year’s Day,
And Jimmy walked on to the pitch
Quite “gingerly,” let’s say.
¶ 6
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He never once called for the ball,
Just stood there on the flanks,
Not showing any urge at all
To join the serried ranks.
¶ 7
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Then someone played the ball out wide,
Towards where Jim was standing.
He lifted his red head and eyed
The full back so commanding.
¶ 8
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And ‘ere said full back got to him
And his pale, death-like pallor,
To many raucous laughs, chose Jim
Discretion over valour.
¶ 9
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Collapsing quickly on the ground
Before he could be booted,
The cheers were heard for miles around,
When he was substituted.
¶ 10
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There’s madness rife around us all,
But surely it’s the worst
To make a Scotsman play football
On January the First?
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