Lock Up Your Children!!
¶ 1
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By the blackened Tolka River,
As the day gives way to dark,
Even pigeons give a shiver
As they fly o’er Tolka Park.
¶ 2
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In the boardroom, dank and dreary,
Like a harbinger of doom,
Candlelight reveals an eerie
Figure shadowed in the gloom.
¶ 3
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Outside, all the world is sleeping,
Peaceful in its pleasant dreams,
But, here, the Evil One comes creeping,
Hatching foul and ghastly schemes.
¶ 4
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Clad in black, with cape a-swaying,
Cackling madly to himself,
Eyes of deathly green a-playing
‘Pon the trophies on the shelf.
¶ 5
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His mind harks back to previous glories
Against the men of Inchicore,
Legends that grew into stories,
Each one rotten to the core.
¶ 6
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How he battled with the Fat Man,
Unregist’ring the Fat Man’s mail,
And, like the Penguin fighting Batman,
Fat Man’s hopes were doomed to fail.
¶ 7
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Or how he fought the Candystripers,
Ripping down their sarky flags,
And how the moaners and the gripers
Couldn’t make him pack his bags.
¶ 8
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In the pot, he throws the pieces
Of a strange and potent brew-
Ear of toad and squirrel’s faeces,
Hair of snail and arse of gnu.
¶ 9
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Ligament of centre forward
And one metatarsal bone.
Add some toenails and some more blood
Squeezed out of a Dooney stone.
¶ 10
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Suddenly, our evil hero
Lets forth an inhuman moan,
“Zimru Ten St. Patricks Zero,”
He chants insanely, all alone.
¶ 11
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All throughout the night he paces,
Plotting how to slay his foes,
Picturing the anguished faces
Of the Rovers and the Bohs.
¶ 12
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But, when the first rays of the morning
Light whate’er the darkness hid,
Ollie settles down and, yawning,
Closes down the coffin lid.
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