The wry ref rails –
Why me? What did I do wrong?
He should ask himself what did he do right –
For he got it all horribly Pete Tong
For example, a two footed challenge
Is normally a matter of inches
But Kuyt’s concept –
Requires endless pulleys and winches!
And to pull a man down on top of you
Whether it be the last minute or no –
Requires a tug and a half :
Joleon Lescott denied two pens in a row
So now this Saturday at 3pm
Mark’s mam – the lovely Mrs Clattenburg *
Can serve him up his favourite brew
And a delicious slice of Battenburg