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You use the salt cellar, the vinegar jar,
to try and explain what this football is all about,
but it doesn’t much matter how earnest you are,
it’s still very probable she’s going to fall about.
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But still you continue, avoiding profanity
but she can’t understand what there is to enthral about.
Then, in her stilettos, she punctures your vanity
with her ‘twenty two idiots kicking a ball about.’