Football Poets

New Labour: New Football

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Have you heard, that nice Mr. Blair
goes to football matches, he does.
Apparently they’ve repainted the stadium
and have given a franchise to that Sushi bar.
You know, the one in Knightsbridge
which does that wonderful terryaki sauce
we got for our dinner party with the Gordon Browns.
And I hear that Terence Conran has been signed up
no, not as a footballer – he hasn’t the legs for it –
no dear, they’ve signed him to design all new concept seating
– whatever that might be –
but one knows it will be stylish and so in keeping
with the new proletarian look.
Oh yes, the hoi polloi have been privatised
didn’t you know?
Its no more shell-suits. No.
Instead Paul Smith is creating new strips
he’s just finished the collection for Manchester United.
Went down a storm.
Was covered by all the fashion houses.
Strips? Oh, I know, but to be in with the New Islington-set,
one has to speak the lingo –
know what I mean, squire?
Which reminds me …
One can’t go anywhere these days without bumping
into that nice Guy Ritchie and his Madonna.
You know, he’s the one who does all that funny
gangsta speak. A real diamond geezer.
That’s it – you’ve got him now.
And Madonna?
I hear she’s put her eldest child down for
Cheltenham Ladies College.
Such a nice girl, Madonna, I had a long chat with her at the BAFTAs
I do love all those meja types.
Apparently Cheltenham is very rock and roll. So is Eaton.
Yes, that’s right, the Bryan Ferry’s and Mick Jagger’s too.
Did you know that you can get the sweetest ripped punk rocker
T-shirts in this year’s Gaultier collection?
Or ones with authentic bike grease, for that biker/rock chick look.
Its so chic. I saw Posh wearing one the other day.
Have you seen their new Beckingham Palace?
I know dear, they’re rather non-U, aren’t they?
What’s that?
Ah yes, see you at The Game on Saturday.
We’ve got corporate seats in the director’s box.
Well, no-one stands any more do they?
And I hear that nice Chris Smith will be there with Tony.
Football is so IN this season
thought I might even get a lovely Alexander McQueen silk scarf to wave.
I’ve learnt all the words
New Football’s coming home, its coming
New Football’s coming home.

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