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It happened kinda fast
Him peeling spuds, washing the glasses
Using knives and forks, and serviettes and plates
When he ate with us, t’was from a chicken box
In his boxers, an a shirt proclaiming “Zola’s God”
Quaffing Stella by the telly with his mates.
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Then this totally blinding bird moved in
We saw an immediate change occur in him
Why he even pressed the suit he wore for work
Away games and the mighty craic?
She soon put a bleeding stop to that
He was down the gym, most Saturdays afternoons with HER.
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We caught a whiff that things weren’t right
When instead of playing polka Friday nights
He’d be home indoors preparing her a risotto
Risotto? That’s kinda like a special fried boiled rice
Which reminded us of those halcyon nights
Watching the classic out in Athens (with a ruby) we’d forgotten.
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Well things went from bad to worse
We’d heard he’d visited a local church
and was talking to a priest bout getting hitched
He even went round to meet her folks
A rumor spread that he’d proposed
Which made us hastily check that seasons fixture list.
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Then the nuptials front went suddenly quite
He casually came to polka one Friday night
Asking us enthused about the team
“You read the papers, don’t you mate?”
“Nah I haven’t done of late
I was too involved with parquet floors it seems?
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But I’m glad all that’s over now
When are we away to Ipswich Town?”
He asked with a cheeky smile, as he checked his cards
Well. What a Friday night we had that day
Seemed like he’d never been away
We really had a blast and partied hard.
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Anyways a week or two went by
Instead of letting sleeping dogs lie
We asked (like nosy gits) what caused the two of them to split?
Well. His face went crimson red
Had some trouble catching breath
Then with venom told it straight and this it….
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“She was gorgeous and really cute
Even showed me how to press me suit
The problem came when I asked her dad could I wed his daughter?
Said I could on a condition that’s bleeding farcical
He expected to see me at The Emptiness and get behind The Arsenal
Then I walked out, I ain’t jumping ship to watch no team from “Over The Water”
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Well. We called for another magnum of shampoo
and as the crystals clinked we knew
Our mate had obviously bettered his conundrum:
See. A bloke may Love a blinding bird what he adores
But he’d have held a torch – always – in his heart for a paramour
Along The Fulham Road in South West London!