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WHERE DO A terraced house in Croydon,
YOU LIVE? not far from the training pitch,
I’d like to live out further,
but I’ll never be that rich.
A ten bedroomed Tudor Mansion,
in Wilmslow or the Wirral,
surrounded by ten acres,
with foxes, deers and squirrels.
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FAVOURITE HOLIDAY Devon, Blackpool, Margate.
DESTINATION? A trip to the Brighton Pier.
We never won promotion,
so we can’t afford no trips this year.
My private beach in Cyprus.
My posh Sardinian villa.
Disney World in Florida,
for the kids it is a thrilla.
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MOST INFLUENCE ON Got to be the gaffer you know,
YOUR CAREER? you know , you know, you know.
He gave me old man twenty quid,
and signed me well you know.
My agents had a massive influence,
but I’ve now a massive moan,
he got me a massive contract,
but now I’m out on loan.
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DO YOU ENJOY On me way up to the ground,
BANTER WITH I meet them on the bus,
THE FANS? they wish me well and clap me,
and generally make a fuss.
I run to them at the end of games,
hands clapping above my head,
but when they ask me for my autograph,
it’s something that I dread.
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WHAT DO YOU The eight hour trips to Cumbria,
HATE MOST ABOUT and far off destinations.
AWAY TRAVEL? Trying to hold the pee in ,
till we reach the service station.
Queuing at the airport,
for our eight minute flight to Stoke,
unable to use our cell phones,
the whole thing is a joke.
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WHAT ARE YOU Maybe coach the juniors,
GOING TO DO or buy a little bar.
WHEN YOU RETIRE? Have to work on the docks again,
cos my savings won’t go far.
Write my fifth auto-biography,
and host my own chat show.
Trade in my ageing partner,
and enjoy my well earned doe.
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FINALLY LADS. To the children in Biafra,
WHERE SHALL I it is a worthy cause.
DONATE THE MONEY To my Testimonial dinner fund,
FOR THIS INTERVIEW? where I’ll receive deserved applause.