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Portaloo

Peter Goulding

Saturday, March 12th, 2005

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 My, my,
The Portaloo at games is always brimming,
And I,
I know that it’s my destiny
To go and join the queue.
I try very hard not to go,
But my bladder keeps telling me ‘no.’

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Portaloo – standing in line and I hear a roar
Portaloo – why, when I go, do we always score?
Portaloo – can’t tie a knot if I wanted to
Portaloo – knowing my fate is to be with you.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Oh yeah,
I never should have had those pints of Guinness,
And now
My bladder’s leading me down to
The back end of the stand.
I spend the game standing in queues,
It’s worse when you need number twos.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Portaloo – two to one on that we score a goal
Portaloo – betcha there won’t be no toilet roll
Portaloo – jigging about like a kangaroo
Portaloo – why do you not have a pitch-side view?

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 The history book on the shelf
Says it’s wrong to be wetting yourself.
Portaloo – is this a case of a living hell?
Portaloo – why do you have such a lovely smell?
Portaloo – couldn’t escape if I wanted to
Portaloo – endlessly facing my Portaloo.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-
Portaloo – why are you all painted grey and blue?
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-
Portaloo – up to my ankles to be with you
Oooh-ooh-oooooh-
Portaloo – cannot escape if I’ve had a few,
Oooh-ooh-oooooh-
Portaloo – more than a feeling of deja-vu
Oooh-ooh-oooooh-
Portaloo – endlessly facing my Portaloo.
Oooh-ooh-oooooh-
Portaloo – endlessly facing my Portaloo…

© Peter Goulding 12th March 2005

Notes

Inspired by, hanging onto the coat tails of, but failing miserably to live up to the high standards of “The Loser Standing Tall” by the brilliant Norwich wordsmith, SB Ingle.
“Money, money, money” anyone?

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/portaloo/?shared=email&msg=fail