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It must be hard, when your name is Sven,
And you’re racing around in the media glare.
Secretaries, shiekhs – just who can you trust ?
At least there’s Tord to keep you onside
When your thoughts stray elsewhere –
To a Villa in Birmingham, or Spain…
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Like talking to royalty, what would you say
If your ticket was wrong, and you sat next to him.
Why doesn’t he watch any lower league games ?
Can he not find the way to Barnsley, or Crewe ?
But maybe he’ll smile, if we win the World Cup;
A knighthood, a pay rise, a best-selling book…