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Tall Story?

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 I went into a bar a
Mile from Lisdoonvara,
For to have some refreshment and rest.
The place was quite gloomy,
But airy and roomy,
The kind of a bar I like best.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 At the bar was a man,
With a bald head and tan.
Did he mind if I sat down beside him?
He replied “Not at all”
In a broad Yankee drawl,
And a youthfulness that quite belied him.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Well, we started to chat
About this thing and that,
O’er a pint and a tasty chip butty,
And the hours ticked me
And I mentioned that I
Had a passionate interest in footie.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 He gave me a glance
And a look quite askance,
And he began an exquisite narration
Of when he was younger
And had a great hunger
For stories of space exploration.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Cut a long story short,
He’d been an astronaut,
The first to walk on the moon’s surface.
His name, it was Neil
And he said he did feel
Impossibly humbled and nervous.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Some words he did find
About steps and mankind,
And then he jumped down in the dust.
Then he laughed, as one does,
And he called up to Buzz
To get down those steps, if he must.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Up above them alone,
Michael Collins had flown
An orbit around the still moon.
He sailed without fear
Through the thin atmosphere
In a strange and metallic balloon.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 On instructions from Houston
The duo were loosed on
The surface, to roam at their leisure.
And they hopped and they bounced
And cavorted and flounced
And it gave them incredible pleasure.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 At this point he broke off,
With a low discreet cough,
And he said, “What I’m going to tell you
Is a secret, I fear.
Do I make myself clear?
I’m afraid I am forced to compel you.”

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Well, I nodded assent,
And he stepped down and went
To the toilet to empty his bladder.
I continued my drinking
Whilst earnestly thinking
If he or if I were the sadder.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 He returned, flatulating,
And continued narrating
The tale of Apollo Eleven.
And he said it was strange
But he felt a great change,
Like as if he were closer to heaven.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 “Then Buzz said, “My God!
Can you see something odd?
Over there on the edge of that crater?”
‘And I shielded my eyes
And I looked with surprise,
And I said, “I’ll get back to you later.”

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 ‘But before I could run,
Came a thing with a gun,
And behind him another strange creature.
In the clear, lunar light,
Buzz and I froze with fright
At the sight of this weird double feature.

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 ‘The monsters were green
And grotesquely obscene,
With an ear in the midst of their forehead,
And with numerous tongues
Sticking out of their lungs,
I began to develop a sore head.

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 ‘But Buzz saved the day
When he hollered out, “Hey!
We sure didn’t hear any footfall!
You’re quite sleek of foot,
I will grant you that, but
Are you creatures familiar with football?”

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 ‘”Football?” one said,
And he nodded his head.
“Of course! ‘Tis the Universal Language!
Everywhere is the same.
Would you like a quick game?
Can I offer you guys a ham sandwich?”

17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 ‘Well, Buzz and I swallowed
Our sandwich and followed
Our two hosts back over the rock.
And I said, very thickly,
“Can we get this done quickly?
We’ve to leave here at seven o’clock.”

18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 ‘But the monsters just smiled
And looked slightly beguiled,
And they said, “Ah! You don’t understand.
If you win, you go free
And gain your liberty,
If you lose, then we blast you to sand.”

19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 ‘In this Sea of Tranquility
We could see the futility.
Discussion was out of the question.
So Buzz did some stretching,
And I did some retching,
Which seemed to improve my digestion.

20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 ‘As the earth shone bright blue,
It was two against two,
‘Neath a sun of incredible fire.
And as we kicked off,
Buzz said, with a cough,
“Don’t forget that the ball bounces higher!”

21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 ‘To give them their due,
They were decent, those two,
Though their dribbling was somewhat erratic.
But the question still begs
Why they played without legs,
So tactically sterile and static.

22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 ‘I knocked it to Buzz,
And he crossed [as one does],
Not easy while wearing a suit!
And I’d not broken sweat
But I near broke the net
With a volley that flew off my boot.

23 Leave a comment on verse 23 0 ‘Goals came in succession
In a welcome procession,
Till the Earth had the game in its pocket.
The best of the lot
Was a powerful shot,
When Buzz on the wing hit a rocket.

24 Leave a comment on verse 24 0 ‘After half of an hour,
The game lost its power,
The outcome already quite clear.
With no crowd appearing,
No chanting or cheering,
The game just had no atmosphere.

25 Leave a comment on verse 25 0 ‘They were forced to concede ‘em,
And gave us our freedom,
And we said we’d come back pretty soon.
And Houston said, “Boys,
Can you hear all the noise?”
And Mike Collins was over the moon.

26 Leave a comment on verse 26 0 ‘And there ends the mystery,
The rest is now history,
And we opened the Heineken kegs.
But I often do wonder,
Would they’ve torn us asunder
If they’d brought on a fresh pair of legs?

27 Leave a comment on verse 27 0 He took a long sup.
“Well, they hushed it all up,
And insisted it must be concealed.
And so, to this end,
I entreat you, dear friend,
This secret must not be revealed.”

28 Leave a comment on verse 28 0 “I heard, pal, I heard.
I will not say a word,
Though I’m sorry the story is lost.
But this birdie won’t sing,
I will not say a thing.”
But my fingers were steadfastly crossed.

4

Notes

Fair play to anyone who waded through all of that!

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/tall-story/