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Oh gather round people, pay heed to my tale
Of how one small club gained the holiest grail.
Translated in Swedish and Yiddish and Braille,
This story is no aberration.
Thousands dared hope, but were destined to fail
To be voted the best in the nation.
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From Carlisle to Cornwall and down the east coast,
They ransacked the country from pillar to post
To seek out the club who’d developed the most,
Most deserving of our admiration.
When push came to shove, there’d be one who could boast
To be best of them all in the nation.
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Ten thousand were waiting, though very few spoke,
The tension so thick it caused many to choke.
Somebody nervously cracked a weak joke,
Ignored by the whole congregation.
And then from the chimney they saw the white smoke
That hailed Bearsted as best in the nation.
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United and Arsenal just cannot compete,
Mourinho has suffered another defeat.
Martin O’Neill is as white as a sheet,
And demands a new evaluation.
But the jury’s returned and the voting’s complete
And Bearsted are best in the nation.
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Colin Whitfield’s a pleasant and hardworking chap,
With sparkling ideas and notions on tap,
To put this community club up on the map
For progressive and rich innovation.
Now the feather is firmly ensconced in his cap,
For Bearsted’s the best in the nation.
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With programmes and structures now firmly in place,
The club has progressed at a dizzying pace.
Nobody excluded for colour or race
Or sexual orientation.
Small wonder they headed the pack in the chase
To be labelled the best in the nation.
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Yes now they’re the yardstick for others’ success,
The template to use if clubs want to progress.
The standards they’ve set can do naught but impress
And serve as a great inspiration.
Just look at the problems they seek to address
And see why they’re the best in the nation.
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The playing field’s level for big and for small,
For size, as they tell us, means nothing at all.
What matters is hearing that footballing call,
And acting to further its station.
The best clubs do more than chase after a ball,
And Bearsted’s the best in the nation.