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The Gaffer Needs Help!

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 OPEN LETTER
22nd February 2010

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 The Chairman
Mr. Steve Gibson
Middlesbrough F.C.
Riverside Stadium
Middlesbrough TS3 6RS

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Re: The Gaffer Needs Help!

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Dear Mr. Gibson

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Thanks for the letter dated 30th November 2009.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 This letter is not in protest of your choice of candidate,
Mr. Strachan’s experience and abilities I do not underestimate,
He immediately identified most players are single, thus carefree and happy,
One the field they were likely to be daydreaming and their performance was scrappy,
Need for strong defender, a good striker, an interpreter and solid midfield
By signing half the Celtic team, problems solved.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 The recent results at Blackpool and Nottingham Forest, at our peril we ignore,
Most serious problem we all must explore,
Single players still carefree and happy, as the Gaffer in the first week foresaw,
Even working with Sir Alex Ferguson this problem he’s not prepared for.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 This is where my Indian sub-continent heritage will be valuable,
For hundreds of years intrinsic of arranged marriage are ingrained in the cultural
Life, and a partner can even be found for someone with the temperament of Ivan the Terrible.
I can start immediately and have at least few married before Saturday’s home game,
Tap into the vast Indian sub-continent marriage and player will have to forget the old flame,
A beautiful wife, a hassle free ceremony and a handsome dowry, where’s the shame.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Before I start I must point out I’m of old fashion believe
A man can be married and still be happy and thus underachieve,
He should have at least six children or more,
Whilst the club’s in this situation the mother-in-law
Should live next – door.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 I don’t care about my job’s title,
That to me is not vital,
As long as the pay is good
Or I’m willing to work for nothing if I can pocket the dowry.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 I believe this best for the club.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Yours Sincerely

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Khadim Hussain

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Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/the-gaffer-needs-help/