I was invited on ‘Richard and Judy’
To talk about me first book
Richard eyed me with a nervous smile*
Judy a knowing look
We broke the ice with chitchat
And talk of this and that
Richard spoke of his love for hookey wine!!! (see note)
His liking of clothes from Gap
Judy says ‘you know Ozzie Orzell
Is he the singer they say he is?’
Says I’ until you been to a Sounder gig
You really haven’t lived!’
‘What about the lovely Mrs Clohessy
Have you been round there for tea?’
‘I’m sorry to say dear Judy
That honour’s eluded me!’
She asked me about the Albion
The Dolphin and the Gun.
She seemed well clued up on our manor
Richard sat there looking glum
‘Is it true about Rupy Johnson
That he turned the William around?’
Jesus this girl has done her research
Her knowledge of us has no bounds!
‘Tell me off Gian-Franco Zola ((kneel please and do the sign of the cross)
And the effect he had on you all?’
Is there nothing this girl cant talk about?
She even likes football!
Richard sat there like a dummy
With nothing at all to say
It’s easy to see who’s the boss in their house
It’s Judy all the way!
‘Did you ever have a late one at the Builders
When it was run by Mickey Hayes?’
By now I’m flabbergasted
She knows all our ways!
People say that Judy’s a scouser
Well they can go to hell
By the things that she says and the people she knows
I’d say she’s a Pimlico girl!