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Welcome, Earthlings

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 United City
in fact, could you think of a more dis-united Borough than Manchester
and it’s environs (wouldn’t you just love to scold ‘em, in Oldham)
– amazing how a missing comma can set you off on a tangent
(you’ll see where this is going in a second)
Town, Athletic, Albion, County, Rangers, Rovers, Wanderers
Then you have the more esoteric :
Alexandra, Palace, Villa, Wednesday, Argyle, Hotspur (comical)
Forest, Vale, North End, Orient, Harriers

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 And now, Diamonds
How exclusive is that?
Can it get any better?
And will they be a girl’s best friend?
Somehow, I doubt it
But the fans will be hoping
That they sparkle and muster
A charge up the table, away from the cluster
Of faded gems and unpolished stones
Who languish, in anguish
In the quicksand of division three
Struggling to break free
To pull themselves from the mire
Eternally hoping to re-ignite that old fire
To return to sellout clashes
To rise again, Phoenix like, from the ashes
And fly, with devilled wings
Or at least buy, impish wingers
Combative midfielders
Prolific strikers
And mad keepers, as fearsome as Grim Reapers
All vying, for the glittering prize, of promotion
Amidst a cacophony of commotion
Triumphal trumpeting
Versus sorrowful slumpeting
And now, enter the new boys into the fray
Who’s task
Is to mask
The glee
Of appearing in division three
To stick in the proverbial boot
At the behest
Of a successful cobbler
And to produce some shocks
At the home of the Doc’s
With points to be mined, like nuggets, from the rockface
Of Nationwide teams
Not as easy as it seems
But still, it won’t be a lark
Down at Nene Park
So who will fancy their chances
To perform celebratory dances?
Now den, don’t all rush at once!
So welcome, and good luck
Let’s see how soon, before you pester
Your neighbours, in Leicester

Help me out here – is there a proper name for football team suffixes?
And should Orient or Vale really count?
(I guess Orient does, now that they are officially Leyton Orient again, but Vale?)

Clik as Editor :
Looking back, in 2005, I realise this might need some clarifying!

The poem is a ‘welcome to the Football League’ to
Rushden Diamonds –

who formed after a merger of Rushden Town and
Irthlingborough Diamonds

Also, Division Three – is now Division Two!

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/welcome-earthlings/