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Sir Alf Ramsay got the squad together and gave them all a lecture
“I don’t expect you to be choir boys or study local architecture.
Have a drink by all means chaps, but be careful where you go
avoid the local women and the tainted H-2-0.
Make sure you’re back by cur-few show some common sense
tomorrow we’re discussing weakness’s in West Germany’s defense.
Keep away from jewelry shops and keep out of the sun
now go out and enjoy yourselves, relax and have some fun.”
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So the players split into several groups to see what they could see
One group was led by Alan Ball and one by Franny Lee.
But the leader on the pitch was the leader off it too
And Bobby Moore led a group of just the chosen few.
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Along with Banks and Charlton, Cooper and Geoff Hurst
Mooro searched the dusty streets for a place to quench their thirst.
A few mad dogs walked with them as the sun scorched down at noon
But then Geoff Hurst let out a roar when he spotted a saloon.
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Mooro bought the bar a drink and the locals joined their ranks
The main attraction for them being the modest Gordon Banks.
Banks had been the hero in the battle with Brazil
And his save from Pele’s header is shown and talked of still.
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The owner put some food out, large plates of beans and rice
And into Banksy’s drink he slipped some cubes of ice.
A Mariarchi band arrived and played old songs of yore
Of how they drove the Spaniards back to their native shore.
The English players politely clapped at all the local bards
And then sat down amongst themselves to play a game of cards.
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The drinks they kept on flowing as Cooper split the deck
But Banksy’s glass resembled the old Titanic wreck.
As Charlton dealt the cards out for the umpteenth game of rummy
Banksy complained that he was feeling sick as he pointed to his tummy.
Soon the man who was between the posts for the sixty-six World Cup
Had his head in a Mexican toilet bowl violently throwing up.
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They made it back to their hotel just beating Alf’s cur – few
But Gordon never slept that night he just stayed awake to spew.
Next day the dreaded sweats came on first hot ones then of cold
“It’s just a twenty-four hour bug” by the doctor he was told.
They wrapped poor Gordon up with towels and pumped him full of pills
But next night in his hotel room he still shivered with the chills.
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The day before the German game he still weren’t near his best
But Alf told him, “get kitted out” to take a fitness test.
Alf took a shot at Banksy, he kicked it soft and lame
And when Banksy caught it easily
said, “right you’re playing in the game.”
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Next day the players all gathered for a pre-match team discussion
But half way through poor Gordon Banks to the toilet he was rushing.
“Put high crosses in on Maier,” said Alf
“It’s something that they fear,”
But all that Gordon cared about was his fight with diarrhea
He interrupted Ramsay’s speech and with his head held down in shame
Announced to all and sundry that he couldn’t play the game.
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Ramsay didn’t miss a beat his eye lids didn’t bat
Instead he looked around the room and pointed to “The Cat.”
“You’ll start in goal Peter, make sure you are prepared,”
He said to ‘The Cat Bonetti’ who looked a trifle scared.
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So the team they went to Leon where the Germans broke their reign
And when the game was over they were heading for the plane
Up two-nil and cruising they took Charlton off for Bell
And the Germans took advantage making Bonetti’s life a hell.
The Gerries finally won three – two to reach the final four
And “Bonetti lost the World Cup ,” was chanted ever more.
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A few days later Mexican papers reported some happy news
Of a local man who won a fortune betting Eng-er-land would lose.
He not only forecast their demise but bet Banksy wouldn’t start
He said it was a premonition From the Sacred Heart.
In his seedy little cantina in a run- down part of town
He told the hordes of media how one night the Lord came down.
He served them up Tequilas and with them shared the joke
While Gordon Banks was on the loo
Somewhere back in Stoke.