Who ate all the pies? – Phat XI

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 As I pen another XI the enchantment is hard to conceal
This ones not from the dressing room, rather the pre match meal

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Were talking megastars of the rotund variety
Of gluttonous pie eating notoriety

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Gutbusters United on an industrial king size plate
Before we commence, pass the curry sauce mate!

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Olive Kahn swears by spare rib with rare beef steak
Whilst eater Shilton recommends 6 carb original cheesecake

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Fatty Foulkes blamed Oreo cookies for making him a mound
Flan Molby, fat and round, weighing a million pound

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Galloping Puskas attributed his cannon shot to deep cooked fries
Brick Quinnie was not far off, with his bakewell tart surprise

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Baked bean Windass, was often seen lunging at the butterkist popcorn
And Steve (twenty) Stone, courted canary pud, with absolutely no scorn

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Good to eat Van Diego Maradoner, with extra lashings of Mayo
Brawl Gazza corned beef–flushed with crème de cacao

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Thomas the tank Brolin dinked it, smothered in peanut butter
Neville Southalle’s pie melton Mowbray, more often worth a flutter

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Matt Le Tiss spread the love, with generous portions of Salami Danish
Veal Ruddock sacked by Swindon, swapping sausage Frankfurter –for the fish

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Tum Huddlestone Lardy tardy taa, not really a green giant
Brandy Reid and sausage Bockwurst – compliant, reliant, defiant

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Croissant Hartson’s thousand Island dressing lavished on battered bonito
Herculian Dicks likes nothing better than Chipotle chicken burrito

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Chicken Kiev-in Pressman, mastered diving into a Burger King quad stacker
Meal Shipperley roasted white meat chicken, topped off with premium pot pie cracker

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 McDonald Koeman threw a tantrum, to avoid at all costs the steamer
Not to be outdone, he’s joined by a noble, Ronaldo Nazario de creamer

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 Fromage Gravesen left Madrid because of the poor quality beef sirloin
Adriano though is staying for Caffè Mocha, with whole milk, whipped cream and aloin.

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 Advance regret to the Ormondroyd cult, although it may sound downright rude
Peter Crouch fanclub, eat away at your hearts, food, glorious food.



In an age of obsession about being body beautiful this poem pays homage to those who didn’t or haven’t as yet cut it as sleek, well trained race horses.

Who’d like to offer up and put out an XI to beat this lot. I still omitted Viduka, Hagi and an autumn season Digger Barnes.

What? No Richard Dunne? – Ed

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/who-ate-all-the-pies-phat-xi/