Football Poets

Worse Things Happen At Sea

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 I’ve travelled all over Europe following the Blues
The story’s always the same – eventually we lose
But this year the final in Porto awaits
Though it should have been Wembley, and that really grates
But we all know UEFA don’t give a toss about the fans
So I’m forced to make short-notice travelling plans

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 I get some right grief at home, “You must be insane!
The last thing you want is to get on a plane
After being so careful, to do this is criminal”
But I convince myself the risk is minimal
“It’s once-in-a-lifetime” keeps flashing through my brain
If I don’t do this, will I ever do anything again?
Everyone has to be tested, I’ve been double jabbed
So I purchase my ticket before they’re all grabbed
And I book myself onto the Sheikh’s free flight
Travelling back in the middle of the night

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 But just to show how far we still are from normality
I need a PCR test, but that’s just a formality
It costs 95 quid, what an absolute racket
Opportunist bastards making a packet
I just write the cash off, what else can you do
And next morning the test result e-mail comes through

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Positive.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Oh.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 1 I’m gobsmacked, stunned, it’s properly shocked me
I’ve been so obsessively cautious, even friends have mocked me
It must be a mistake! I trawl all over the net
To find this thing’s about as accurate as you can get
How can this have happened, I repeatedly ask?
Some twat in the Arndale who wouldn’t wear a mask?
The girl in the coffee shop, the restaurant waiter
The emergency dentist? Wish I’d left it till later…
But whatever it was, my passport’s back in the drawer
And I’ll be watching on telly, feeling sick to the core

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 We’re favourites to win but we don’t turn up
Pep’s inexplicable tinkering buggers us up
Chelsea deservedly walk off with the cup

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 I feel like we’ve bottled it and I’m hardly alone
But at least I don’t have a long journey home
And yes it’s a sickener, but though it may seem perverse
If we’d won I’d have felt a hundred times worse
Cos then the pain of not being there would never be erased
I’d have been bitter and twisted for the rest of my days

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 But for now I’m infected – apparently – so how do I feel?
I’m an ageing asthmatic, it’s not really ideal
I’d been fearing to catch it would mean certain death
But not once was I ever even remotely out of breath
Maybe it’s the vaccine, maybe it’s luck
But frankly, my dear, I don’t give…a damn

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 And as for the Blues, we’ll come back from this pain
Now we’ve reached our first final we can do it again
And I’ll be there for sure if we make it next season
Maybe, sometimes, things happen for a reason

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