Four Wags & A Wedding (What’s So Wrong Pt 4)

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 so what’s so wrong with a palace
to marry some big soccer star
and what’s so wrong about shed loads of players
who pitch up in flash blacked-out cars?
’cause you know what you get when you’re minted
with your nice little footballer man
you get tacky pink drapes in the saddest of shapes
that cost at least nine hundred grand
with a soccer star ..
I wanna be married – I wanna be married
to a soccer star

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 you get songs from your mate Lionel Ritchie
some castle for backdrops’ll do
but men will be men and if your name’s Sven
Enriqué Iglesias too
endorsements and tv commercials
mean reality’s light years from here
you get presents that equal the earnings
some care worker gets in year
but you’re still just a plane ride from Essex
in your Surrey or mid-Cheshire world
with playstation gyms that are mainly for him
and jacuzzis and pools for the girls
with a soccer star ..
I wanna be married – I wanna be married
to a soccer star

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 ’cause who really cares about Darfur
Harare or downtown Iraq
the losers can taunt it but why not just flaunt it
there’s no way that you’re goin’ back
’cause you can forgot all your feelings
and think that your wife sings like Cher
there’s no need to wait til you get to the States
when you can bring Hollywood here
but I need a guy with the minimum taste
and footballers sure fit the picture
and maybe they’re not all that clever upstairs
but i tell ya they don’t come much richer
and when he retires he’ll go fishing
or maybe plays golf at the worst
as long as he dishes out diamonds
whenever he open his purse
and we can be seen at the Oscars
and fly to Dubai on weekends
or maybe go clubbing with Cruise and his bird
and a few of our VIP friends
with a soccer star ..
I wanna be married – I wanna be married
to a soccer star

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 an’ I’d still love to get off with Giggsy
or Christian Ronaldo he’d do
drink bubbly and vino with that Ronaldinho
or Cashley and Joey Cole too
but I’d draw the line if they’re married
that ain’t my scene or my bag
I wanna go far in the Sun or the Star
but no-one wil call ME a wag
and l’d never date that Joey Barton
or Roman or José no fear
’cause I couldn’t cope with some really bright bloke
and I reckon that i’m getting there
but theres only one problem that bugs me
and i feel i’m a bit of a joke
its like i’m heading this ball
up against some brick wall
because i’m not a girl I’m a bloke…
but.I wanna be married – I wanna be married
I wanna be married ..to a soccer star

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 © Crispin Thomas



OK..I own up .. this is a re-working of a piece I wrote way back in 98 called What’s So Wrong About Wanting To Marry A Soccer Star which was first published and used in Channel 4’s Writing 4 Kicks book and series .Nine years on I’ve given it a much needed make over and what’s changed? Only the salaries. So here it is to celebrate a wonderful wasteful wayne wooney-style wags and weddings weekend as John Terry, Stevie G, Gary Neville and Michael Carrick all got hitched. They also no doubt invited each other to their weddings on the same weekend. What a total nightmare. Ii mean what do you do with such a dilemna..the suffering, decisions and torment ? And just what do the starving and homeless millions in the corrupt and penniless heartlands, deserts and war torn cites of third world countries know about suffering and sleepless nights in comparison? A million for a marquee? Listen right, we’ve got an old muddy heavy Scout one that got trashed at Glastonbury years back. Could do it for five hundred grand if any one fancied slumming it in a retro sixties brownies, guides, cubs and scouts wedding vibe? Press 1 for enquires, 2 for madness and 3 to be re-connected to reality.

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/four-wags-a-wedding-whats-so-wrong-pt-4/