Left back, in the dressing room

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Yes, I know, it’s an old joke
But let’s give it another poke
So many hopefuls, for the left back spot
Past and present, good and grot
Who will make it onto the plane to Japan
Who is it, that will ‘be the man’?
Ben Thatcher, that laddies not for turning
Rated before, but still only learning
Charlton’s Chris Powell
Useless, I hear you howl
Michael Ball, can’t even get into a Scottish club
Nor even get a cross, over Hadrian’s wall, now there’s the rub
The Villain Gareth Barry
Must learn to give and carry
Tackle and defend
Before it’s him, on whom we can depend
Owen Hargreaves, Canadian playing in Germany’s Bundeslige
His obvious potential, still continues to intrigue
Alan Wright, he’d be just the right size
To look his hosts, square in the eyes
David Unsworth, too toffee-nosed
Wouldn’t like to see him, so cruelly exposed
John Harley, hardly
Jamie Clapham, but who would clap ‘im?
Steve Guppy
As enthusiastic as a puppy
But no longer even in the Premiership quarter
He’d be too much like, a fish out of water
The young titan of a Tractor Boy, Titus Bramble
Domestically, he’ll start a scramble
Whenever he’s looking for a move
But internationally, he has to improve
Seth Johnson, almost scored on his debut
But let’s just say, his admirers are few
As for his team mate, Jason Wilcox
Failed his audition, no opportunity knocks
Wayne Bridge, hardly a Saint
If he made it, I think we’d all feint
Michael Gray, looks to have had his day
Anthony Gardner, just way too gangly
So loose limbed, with his legs all dangly
Nigel Winterburn, yes, still mooted as a contender
Even though he started out, when Churchill was the Great Defender

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Graeme Le Saux, hated from the Tyne to the Mersey
Just because of where he’s from, doesn’t mean he should get the jersey
Ashley Cole, great going forward, for the Gunners
But so often caught out, failing to pick up the runners
Philip Neville, tried and flopped
As we cried and stopped, believing
Our bodies still heaving
In disgust, but perhaps, needs must?
Kieran Dyer, such a tenacious little trier
Would be far better suited, at left midfield
So who is it, that I think he’ll shield?
Jamie Carragher, pull him out of the middle
Is he the one, to solve this riddle?


Still half a season to go, plus a few friendly Internationals,
for the lads to prove themselves,
but the left flank is definitely England’s blind spot.
I’d say Sven must hanker for the days of yore,
for a wizard of a winger, for a Barnes (Peter) or
Laurie Cunningham, or to thrill to Gordon Hill,
or at left back, for another bite at the Cherry (Trevor)
or for a Crazy Horse (Emlyn Hughes),
but they don’t breed them like that any more.
I used to hate my dad going on about the old days and the old greats,
but now, like him, as well as still enjoying the current crop of players,
I too, can appreciate the pleasure in reminiscing.

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/left-back-in-the-dressing-room/