Pep Talk! (If You Want My Advice?)

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 On a wet Wednesday night in West London
Midst conditions the dead would abhor
Pep’s Catalan giants flew in from the sun
Expecting to settle old scores.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Beaten before even handshakes were made
Or Champions League theme was played
Depending on which white hankie you take
We woz gonna get slaughtered then slayed.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 In the pub I stood hopeful, as us fans often do
When the odds seem a long way against
As the class on wet grass from the Catalan school
On keeping the ball, slung its skillset at our defence.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Stood in Victoria, a fair way from the action
I knew I must shout for the lads
So the next time Messi was caught by a tackle
I took a deep breath and let fly.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 “Oi Guardiola that small boy’s in trouble
In this rain he’ll catch his death of a cold
If I was you I’d pull him off now, at the double
Or he might miss next Saturdays El Classico”

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 But Pep wasn’t listening, and the rain tumbled down
As Barca spurned chance after chance
While us and the ball were like strangers in town
Hoping to make an acquaintance.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 In a spell of five minutes we might have a touch
Or that’s how it seemed at the time
As soon as we did they’d crank pressure up
Nick it back and make haste t’ward our lines.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Then lo and behold Messi messed up
Lost control of the sphere he possessed
Ray Mears, found in a second by Lampard
Crossed it for The Drog, to first time it into their net.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 In the pub we went mental, Barca fans smiled
As does Messi when missing a chance
They both seem to know come what may with their style
They’ll be back soon to leave us entranced.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Well that’s not how it turned out, I’m happy to say
As the boys once again did us proud
In truth Barcelona with the way that they play
Should on possession have knocked us spark out.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Petr Cech saved a couple, the woodwork caressed
Fate was indeed on our side
Working hard doubling up, like mere mortals possessed
We reaped the rewards from our plight.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 I’m not really that in to I told you sos, while knowing
Pep Guardiola is clearly the man about town
But a wet Wednesday night in West London, wind blowing
Clearly ain’t a place for L Messi to be messing around!



I don’t know why Guardiola didn’t listen to my advice? That poor little Messi boy might go down with the flu or catch a cold? This is true by the way, I did shout this out in the pub!

Our boys were really lucky to have had the best view of a wonderful Barcelona team in fabulous full flow, half the time we were watching them in absolute envy and awe, seeing as we couldn’t get the ball off them!

A big up to Guardiola too, for being an eighteen carat diamond of a coach and a sportsman who took it right on the chin. He knew we were nowhere as good as his team, but the best team and shed loads of possession don’t always win the game as fans of this site and our beautiful game know only too well.

Roy Keane on the telly was one of the few pundits giving us praise as well, or so I’m told.

At half time there was sweet perfume,
As Barca come to The Bridge and lose!


Go well and be lucky.



Editor’s note:

I had to work this one out for myself:
Ray Mears is of course Ramires (Ramires Santos do Nascimento), with a nod (Kev style) to the old guardians of the club back in the 60’s & 70’s, when the Mears family controlled Chelsea, pre Ken Bates, pre Roman Abramovitch.

They’d have approved of Rami, he’s a shoe-in for Player of the Season.


Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/pep-talk-if-you-want-my-advice/?shared=email&msg=fail