The Bloke Who Only Plays When It Suits…Him.

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 With a masters degree in either foot
His future looked assured
Then he started to decline the call
When his national team coach called.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Us fans always knew he wouldn’t play
In some friendly, or on tour
We know when some joke’s working his ticket
We ain’t stupid that’s for sure.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 When his national team were on the road
He cried off and couldn’t play
Yet the papers had a close up of him in a punch up
In some night club, down Sweden way.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 A serious injury the papers said
Does that mean his toe-nail may need growing?
After his P.A. chopped too much of one off
In a pedicure down the gym.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Photo shoots in glossies
Keep him in the public’s eye
Advertising pizza’s, crisps and coffee
He’s a busy self promoting guy.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 He even turned up on the telly
Gave his considered point of view
On who’d play if he was manager
What our teams attack should do.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 In league games he’s the bees knees
As he turns on passive crowds
Yet when the national coach cries out for him to be there….please
He’s gone AWOL, can’t be found.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Ah well the club that pay his mighty wages
Are glad he’s fit to play for them
And when World Cup qualifiers come around next time
He’ll be sure to want his place back, in the national side….again!



There are a few pointers to different players in this poem who shall remain nameless, most of you will know who they are anyway, but the drift of the poem is to have a pop at those jokes who we all know are gonna cry off injured as soon as any national squad is annouced for a friendly or some summer tour.

Danny Baker the t.v presenter and Millwall fan once told a story, in his terrific ‘Times’ football column, of an England international defender who had no shame in brazenly bragging to him that he had never played for his club side once over the busy Christmas period, during his career with them, because he wanted to be at home with his wife and kids!

He knew without fail, well in advance that he was going to be injured (sic) come Chistmas time! I wonder what his hard pressurised to win manager thought of that as a track record?

So what chance has any national coach got of getting a bloke to give up his summer holidays for a non beneficial tour to some far away warm exotic place?



Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/the-bloke-who-only-plays-when-it-suits-him/