The First Division

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 The football fan who seems
Just to follow English teams,
And dismisses Irish football sides as rubbish,
Is so arrogant and vain
And a pre-pubescent pain,
And sickeningly English Football Clubbish.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Yes, its folks like that I hate,
For the Eircom League is great,
And the skill and the endeavour do not flatter.
Yes, the League’s the best I’ve seen,
Well, the Premier, I mean,
For the First Division doesn’t really matter.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 I haven’t any pity
For poor Kilkenny City,
I treat the Mons with scorn and great derision,
I very rarely talk
About the troubles at Dundalk,
For I don’t care about the First Division.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 The luck of Athlone Town
Might go up and might go down,
Ditto with the fortunes of Kildare,
And re-election might behove
The loyal citizens of Cobh,
But frankly, darling, I don’t really care.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 However far I go,
I won’t worry ‘bout Sligo,
Galway is a team I rarely ponder,
Dublin City might well win,
Up in the park named after Finn,
But I’m not bothered what occurs up yonder.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 The football team of Bray
Might beat Limerick away,
But in my eyes it barely merits mention,
For I’m Eircom League right through,
But just ‘tween me and you,
It’s just the higher league that’s worth attention.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 The grounds aren’t up to scratch,
At each First Division match,
The tactics are so dull and constipated,
The standards there are shite
And it isn’t worth a light,
(Unless of course if Shels get relegated.)

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Yes these First Division teams
Have their hopes and have their dreams,
But in reality, they’re just a bore,
Why anyone would go
And watch such rubbish, I don’t know –
Now where the hell have I heard that before?


Satire on Irish Clubs fans who bemoan the “armchair fans'” obsession with English football, yet is equally as dismissive towards their own first division.

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/the-first-division/