The Whole of Leeds Tom Dick and Auntie Elsie

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 The whole of Leeds Tom Dick and Auntie Elsie
Are larged up at the monster draw with Chelsea
Folks sat with bated breath at Final Score
Then jaws across the country hit the floor

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 We double-checked to make sure we weren’t potty
And quite forgot to eat wuh tea-time stottie
To cries of “wheyabugga man that’s canny!”
The startling score came through on many a tranny

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 The message sounded loud and clear on Tyneside
You’d better watch your back to such a fine side
Our bonny lads and lasses shook with fear
And even Cushie Butterfield choked her beer

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 The 1 – 1 scoreline clearly warns the Arsenal
Leeds are coming and they’ve got the class anarl
They even silenced the triumphant Shed
And what’s more they convinced Tom’s Uncle Fred

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Fair do’s this time the lads produced the goods
But they’re some way from exiting the woods
It’s not my place to be the one to spoil it
But Leeds are basically still down the toilet

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 The fact that Leeds can blag a 1 – 1 draw
While Newcastle were wiped across the floor
Makes clear the workings of the Law of Sod
And proves conclusively there is no God

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 To argue losing five-nil’s no disgrace
Is not quite looking logic in the face
But heavy thrashings come to Leeds a-plenty
And goals against in five games equals twenty



I’ve been chronicling the disasters of Leeds United throughout 2003.
It’s been a sorry tale, but one worth telling.
After the 4 goal thrashings in the Autumn
and the 6-1 against Pompey, Leeds began to rally and
got a great result against Chelsea,
and this is how I put it on tott-reunited [NUFC board] and
waccoe [Leeds board].

Cushie Butterfield is a regional reference –
“She’s a good lass and a bonny lass and she likes her beer
And they call her Cushie Butterfield and I wish she was here.”

Newcastle had just suffered a 5-0 hammering at the
hands of Chelsea, which of course proves the Law of Sod.

Leeds 1 : Chelsea 1 on 6 December 2003

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/the-whole-of-leeds-tom-dick-and-auntie-elsie/