When It Ain’t Happening On The Pitch.

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 We’ve all had them days watching home games
Where the next bloke but one takes a nap
And sheer frustration makes fans do things quite insane
Like raining celery hearts down on The Chaps.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Low flying aeroplanes en route to Heathrow
Have caused us to crane be-scarfed necks
So much more engrossing than down here below
When we couldn’t for nuts find the net

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 “Are yer travelling up to Old Trafford,
Got yer tickets for the Champions League?”
Stuff that us fans usually discuss post a match
Or down frog and toad as we leave. *

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Distracted by a glossy match programme
Where the gaffer says,“Today is our day”
Then look up in seconds to lambaste the man
For the outdated system he’s played.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Some punters stay down on the concourse
With a light ale and watch on TV
A bird sat near me shuts her eyes
At the kick off, then chills out on her man’s MP3.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 I’ve tried to observe the MoTD studio
To see if Hansen and co are a kip
I’m sure Lawro’ll keep them awake with his God-awful jokes
While that bloke with odd ears nicks the crisps.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 I’ve seen those disgruntled, sat head in their hands
Hold back tears of woe, when we miss
Then in seconds ecstatic with a don’t know him from Adam
Embraced in a passionate kiss.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 A week of frustration needs an outlet, we’re told
So what better place to relax than The Match
But our frustration increases if we ain’t scoring goals
So our next embittered outlet ? The Chaps.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 If the action was better, or a goal hits the net
Then I’m sure those asleep would wake up
But some times no matter what chances you get
The green doesn’t want to be rubbed.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 An OG, deflection, or an in off the post
Will alter most sombre moods in a jiff
Who cares how? The three points are staying at home
And them fans what have travelled are miffed?


Sometimes when it just ain’t happening on the pitch, the hands on the stadium clock don’t seem to be moving, it seems like you’ve been sat there for hours and you’re bored stiff by what’s on offer. Take a look around you and see what other bored punters are up to, and what’s going on in the ground apart from that day’s God awful game.

It’ll sure help pass the time till the action does eventually kick in and is also pretty interesting to watch… believe me.



*Frog and Toad is Cockney slang for road.

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/when-it-aint-happening-on-the-pitch/