The Full English Final
¶ 1
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They went thousands of miles to reach Baku,
To watch a north London derby, thanks to
Uefa’s cunning plan to spread their fame
And Azerbaijan sport-washing its name.
¶ 2
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Less than six thousand fans in red or blue
Like Harry and Barry, Colin and Stew
Made the pilgrimage by car, train or plane
And Steady Eddie said, ‘Never again.’
¶ 3
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Just one Englishman in the twenty-two
Who started, that’s modern football for you.
Premier League players come from every page
Of the atlas for a starring role, centre stage.
¶ 4
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There were gaps in the stands, in defence too.
One was found by Olivier Giroud
To score the first goal, just after half time,
Leaving the Gunners with a mountain to climb
¶ 5
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Made more hazardous by a Belgian, who
Provided one assist and then scored two.
For three minutes Iwobi gave them hope
But that sped away faster than an antelope.
¶ 6
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It was back again by the customs queue.
When you support your team what can you do.
‘Where’s next year’s final?’ Stew was heard to ask.
Harry replied, ‘You’d best book flights to Gdansk.’
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