Football Poets

Buying The League

After last season’s disappointment,
When things just didn’t work out,
Fosun have made the decision,
There’ll be no more messing about.

So calling on Jorgé Mendez,
To consult his little black book,
The players started to arrive,
And Wolves took on a different look.

Nuno Espiríto Santo arrived,
And brought his coaching team,
But when I saw the quality of the players,
I thought it must be a dream.

Loans for Bonatini, Jota and Boly,
And John Ruddy on a free,
But Fosun’s cheque book had to come out,
To get the other three.

Roderick Miranda and Barry Douglas,
Cost a paltry four and a half mill,
But the seventeen million they paid for Neves,
Makes him the star that tops the bill.

With the twenty-five million spent last season,
That’s a forty-seven million spend,
But the bad news for all our rival clubs,
Is that here the story doesn’t end.

Today Fosun announced,
That they’re prepared to still spend more,
To bring in a top class striker,
One that can score goals galore.

When Man City bought the Prem title,
And then Chelsea followed suit,
I was disgusted like everyone else,
But now I don’t give a hoot.

I’ve suffered years of mundane football,
Hoofball, huff and puff,
Now my eyes and brain have joined forces,
To scream enough’s enough!

I yearn for Premiership football,
Perhaps Champions League one day,
And for the first time in decades,
It feels like we’re on our way.

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Wanted Man (at Hounslow Central)

Wanted man at Hounslow Central
Wanted man outside the Stoop
Wanted man on Chiswick High Road
Wanted man at Botanic Kew

Wanted man outside the Beehive
Wanted man in Osterley
Wherever you might look tonight a wanted man you’ll see

Went to sleep in Uxbridge
Woke up in Syon Lane
Now I’m wondering why I’ve ended up
In the bowels of GSK

There’s somebody set to grab me
Anywhere that I might be
And wherever you might look tonight
There’s a kettle without the tea

I got sidetracked by the SEAT
Stopped to get myself a map
Walked the wrong way down the New Road
straight into a honey trap

Wanted man outside the Griffin
Wanted man at Button’s back,
Wanted man at Sainsbury’s local,
dipping in there for a snack

Wanted man on Brentford High Street
Wanted man in Gunnersbury
Wherever you might look tonight a wanted man you’ll see

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The League Table Never Lies

What if we forgot to start pre-season,
found a training camp for enjoying time
above the crickets and distant fireflies?

What if we only started the season
to fulfil a contract? Where is the passion
which made us run through the tail end of June

on stony wasteland between the chines

when no-one was watching or measuring
shots and misses or all the ground covered
as the sun hung on to its residence?

What if we forgot to start the season?
Where would agents find their sad colliery
of which money is the sole corollary?

What if we forgot to start pre-season
so ‘The league table never lies’
means nothing but everyone is equal

as light floods the piers and beaches of Boscombe
and Bournemouth, Old Harry and his Wife
constant in the season’s incoming tide.

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Nuno Espiríto Santo

Last season we bought players
Thirteen in through the door
The fans were loving it
And still they wanted more.

But it turned into a disaster
There really was no hope
With a squad of thirty-four
The manager couldn’t cope.

So Walter went and Lambert came
But the basic problem stayed the same
Too many players, doomed to fail
And Lambert’s coat on a shaky nail.

And so the clear out came at last
This pantomime now would have a different cast
With fifteen players out the door
They then recruited eleven more.

Of the thirteen players only three remain
And we thought it might be the same again
But Fosun it seems have made their last gaffe
And brought in Nuno with his backroom staff.

Big players, big talent, big money spent
But Fosun it seems will not relent
Their aim is promotion and have no doubt
They’ll do what it takes to bring that about.

New thinking, new methods, a new style of play
With the quality plain to see on the opening day
With Molineux rocking, ‘Boro were here
And now we know we have no-one to fear.

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Biography of the Fan

The ball from Manchester United
museum said to me

“What about you”

I have been here for years

The football player Fabregas
said he spoke to the ball

It is so EASY

He takes the penalty
saying to the ball
dont’ betray me

In 1982 I started
watching football

I have supported 4 clubs

And I retired

But only one thing I knew
before my retirement as the fan
was that I loved the FORWARD who
I called COTTEE
who was EVERTON’s Toffee

There was SNJESKO CERIN
the Dinamo forward
whose name
means SNOWWHITE

and I loved MESTALLA
and the famous BYCICLE DRIBBLE of BALJA(player’s nickname)

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