Football Poets

Boro v Manchester United (29-10-2005)

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Although it’s not a full house, the atmosphere is really great,
One feels foundations in the Riverside, apparently vibrate,
Manchester United have made the reasonably short trip,
Just a goal short of a thousand in the Premiership.

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Pogatetz picked out Mendi, the Boro’s Spanish star,
And he let fly a rocket to beat goalkeeper Van der Sar,
Inside the first two minutes we’re a single goal ahead,
The ‘keeper’s dressed in green with his face the brightest red.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Mendi caught the ball with such tremendous power,
Fergie’s chewing furiously and his face is really sour,
Mendieta’s started off like the proverbial man possessed,
With truly massive talent, the Spaniard certainly is blessed.

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Somewhat theatrically, Hasselbaink was suddenly grounded,
And the alleged offender looked on, totally astounded,
Could this free kick give the Boro just a bit more breathing space?
But Jimmy Floyd’s daisy-cutter was, quite sadly, lacking pace.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Van Nistelrooy picks out Rooney, who was standing in the box,
But, what great play from Riggott, as he quite expertly blocks,
A corner then resulted: we saw the pressure escalate,
Then Schwarzer made a good save as he saw it rather late.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Mendi’s like a magnet: he’s attracting every ball,
His brilliance finally shows and he continues to enthral,
The latest strike on goal simply thundered narrowly by,
But it really was a screamer, as Van der Sar will testify.

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 After lunging in with both feet, and very nearly two days late,
Pogatetz saw yellow and was warned, “Don’t replicate,”
Soon followed similar sanctions, on United’s blue-eyed boy,
And the referee showed a yellow card to Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 A nightmare’s being experienced by Rio Ferdinand,
And the Riverside’s own carnival is just like the Rio Grande,
Mendi and young Parnaby were both brilliant once more,
To bring in Jimmy Floyd, who beat Van der Sar to score.

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 That’s Jimmy’s first goal in the Premiership in this current campaign,
And when he’s in this mood he’s quite impossible to contain,
As if he’s chewing on a wasp, Sir Fergie’s face is so contorted,
And one feels he thinks already that this game should be aborted.

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Schwarzer saved from Nistelrooy by pushing ‘round the post,
With Boro so in charge that they’re appearing to coast,
And, with half-time fast approaching, they again turn up the heat,
And Mendi really looks as if he’s just been fed raw meat.

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Smith was rightly cautioned for a truly cowardly lunge,
Boro’s physio’s required with his modern magic sponge,
Yakubu was the victim as he bore down on the goal,
And Smith was justly punished for his lack of self-control.

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Added time’s being played now and the drama hasn’t ended,
Even the most fervent fans’ expectations are transcended,
Parnaby’s fouled by Richardson and a penalty is awarded,
Up steps big Yakubu and the Boro are rewarded.

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 It’s now three-nil to the Boro and, for United, just deflation,
As our heroes leave the field to undiluted adulation,
Boro were scintillating with Man. U. not at the races,
Which begs the question, ”After half time, will United show their faces?”

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 ———-

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 In fact, they come back early: they really got a flyer,
A sign, perhaps, that Fergie had made some use of his ‘hair dryer,’
They showed some early menace as their massive pride is hurt,
And their objective really must be, humiliation to avert.

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 Jimmy Floyd seemed odds-on to score goal number four,
Again, Mendi was the architect, whose ball was just top-drawer,
He should have pulled the trigger but a moment’s indecision,
Meant he was stopped by Rio, who had shown tremendous vision.

¶ 17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 Schwarzer saved from Rooney, Man. United’s rising star,
Then Jimmy missed a great chance, that trickled past Van der Sar,
It appears that the visitors have lost discipline and are grumbling,
Could it possibly be Sir Alex’s Empire’s finally crumbling?

¶ 18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 United make a change as the tension is now rising,
They’re bringing on Ronaldo, whose feet are totally mesmerising,
Then Rochemback is stretched off: he’s been damaged ‘down below,’
But soon he can return, to add to Fergie’s tale of woe.

¶ 19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 Jimmy’s wide of target after Rio fluffed a header,
If Hasselbaink had buried it, his face would have been redder,
Then Alan Smith stopped Mendi, when he’d looked a cert to score,
But the play was really splendid from the Spanish toreador.

¶ 20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 United’s fans are struck dumb and they’re deserting the arena,
Yakubu danced by Rio like the greatest ballerina,
Mendi’s quite terrific finish proved he’s finally come alive,
With the joyful Boro fans shouting, all together, “We want five.”

¶ 21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 “Easy, easy,” chant the Boro fans on this truly glorious day,
Then Mendi’s finally rested, to a rapturous ‘Ole,’
And Rio, too, then leaves the field and that’s not at all surprising,
He has certainly been roasted and there’s really no disguising.

¶ 22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 As Boro sought a fifth to put the icing on the cake,
Ronaldo, with the last kick, made great use of a mistake,
But Boro’s work-rate was phenomenal: a great all-round display,
And Man. United were demolished on this great October day.

¶ 23 Leave a comment on verse 23 0 Boro’s fans were breathless at this fine, footballing feast,
And news will quickly resonate throughout the great northeast,
It surely can’t get better than this wondrous afternoon,
Fans cheer the rampant Boro, feeling rightly ‘Over the Moon.’