Football Poets

I Just Can’t Leave That Team Alone!

Until thirteen, disliked Footee!
Perhaps because I played so bad.
Other sports too, the Egg ‘n’ Spoon,
Or weird game played with ball and bat…

Came Pubertee, what did I see?
A bunch of blokes chasing a ball…
‘Most overnight, I saw the Light,
And was converted like Saint Paul!

Became a Fan, not yet a Man,
But still no longer wholly Boy…
Embraced the Game, one Choice remained,
Among all Teams, which to support?

Racked hard my brains, but made no gains,
Trying to sort wheat from the chaff.
So many Strips, so many hues,
Who to root for? I had no clue!

Good pal had I, named Thomson Si,
Who hailed from somewhere up North-West…
From Merseyside, to be precise,
He said: “The TOFFEES are the Best!”

COYB! or Grand Old Team,
He’d sing or chant with so much zest.
Gave me some booze, to get me sloshed,
By then my brain was fully washed!

And one more thing – me Gran, darling,
Grew up in Bootle, Merseyside.
Three Bros had she, all Toffs-Crazee,
So I plumped for the Mersey’s Pride!

Dai D in goal, Big Bob up front,
And in the dugout Bingham Bill.
Shirts Royal Blue, Shorts Persil White,
What could I do? Love at first sight!

Time its course ran…Boy morphed to Man,
But EVERTON have never gone!
Seen Ups ‘n’ Downs, Swings, Roundabouts,
I just can’t leave that Team alone!

Wilson or Heath, then Mrs T,
John Major, Blair or Gordon Brown.
Flyin’ up high, or steep nose-dives,
Ain’t never left that Team alone!

We’ve been up Top, won League and Cup,
And, natch’, have flirted with The Drop.
Through thick ‘n’ thin, I’ve stuck with them,
Have always loved The Toffeemen!

Now here I am, Six Decade Man,
Standing almost at Death’s threshold.
Once more bellow “NSNO”!
Won’t never leave that Team alone…

29/5/23
Denys E. W. Jones

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More about

Football is a simple game
Twenty-two men chase a ball for ninety minutes
and at the end the Germans always win

More about
Football is a simple game
Twenty-two men chase a ball for
90 minutes and at the end of each season –

Everton never get relegated

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Unthinkable

Let’s consider certain beers:
Carlsberg Lager,
Watney’s Red Barrel,
DD (K9P).
These brews are quite undrinkable.

Now ponder on some other things:
One’s own death,
A Tory win at the next General Election,
The Premier League without Everton.
These three are sheer unthinkable!

2/5/23
Denys E. W. Jones

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Ritual Slaughter

Abraham was set to sacrifice his much-loved son.
The good Lord intervened – Isaac reprieved.
Agamemnon needed wind to sail and conquer Troy.
Iphigenia? A nice gift for the gods!
But some say that a deer was killed instead.
Alas, we’re not so lucky as that fabled son or daughter.
Each time we visit Anfield…ritual slaughter.

16/2/23
Denys E. W. Jones

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Sean Dyche Limerick

An out of work Gaffer named Sean,
Heard his phone ringing early one morn.
He accepted a job at a basket case Club,
Then wished he had never been born.

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Sean D’s Blue and White Army

They said we were ungrateful,
When we sacked Allardyce.
And now we’ve fired Frank Lampard –
We really are not nice.

But football’s about winning,
We’re hungry for success,
So poor old Frankie had to go,
He’d got us in this mess.

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum,
We’re serious, don’t laugh.
The Best only is good enough,
We don’t do things by halves.

Once more we’ve a new Gaffer,
Let’s see how things work out.
Our prospects are not rosy,
But we’re in with a shout.

There’s lots of matches left to play,
There’s points there to be won.
The Season’s not yet over,
Fat Lady’s still not sung.

We’re Sean D’s ragtag army,
We’re the Uk’s laughing stock.
And if you’ve got some cash to splash around,
Come buy one of our crocks!

30/1/23
Denys E. W. Jones

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Joint Bottom

Where are we?
Joint Bottom!
Who we with?
With Soton.
Where are we?
Joint Bottom.
Rip it up, start over again.

Past glories?
Forgotten!
Finances?
They’re rotten.
Where are we?
Joint Bottom.
Knock it down and build it again.

Players made?
Of cotton!
Should we sell?
Lock, stock ‘n’…
What’s the snag?
Who’d want ’em?
Kick ’em out, bring in some new men!

Everton?
Sick of ’em!
Problem is…
Still love ’em.
Even though Joint Bottom.
Some day we’ll be up top again!

23/1/23
Denys E. W. Jones

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TGTGD

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At the wrong end of the Table,
Cos to win we are not able,
But we’re too good to go down.

Here we sit acrest a slump,
Yet we’re not down in the dumps.
No way, not on your Nelly,
There’s still fire in our belly,
Cos we’re too great to go down.

We’ve been beaten, coshed and slaughtered,
We are floundering in deep water,
But we’re not going to drown.
No no, not on your life,
Though some think we can’t survive,
We’re just too boss to go down.

Now however hard we try,
The grim truth we can’t deny:
That we’re in a fix and needing a quick fix.
Yet though some say we are toast,
We shall not give up the ghost,
Cos we’re too big,
Much much too big to go down.

4/9/22
Denys E. W. Jones

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Stake

Cazoo and the Toffees agreed to part.
“Great!” I thought, “We can make a fresh start.”
But this new Sponsor deal
Is a Stake through my heart.

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Phew!

End of a stress-laden Season.
Vital points needed for safety secured.
Each to his own –
Relegation for some, but no Drop for us.
Too good, too big, too great to go down.
Onwards and upwards.
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum.

20/5/22
Denys E. W. Jones

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