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As Staam Likes It, Act 1v

Stuart Butler

Wednesday, August 29th, 2001

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Staam: (soliloquising)
“Oh Sir Alex Prospero,
Why has’t thou banished me to Lazio?
There was’t I, with the kitchen order from MFI,
And scullions fetching hogs heads of Advocaat
From the general victualler’s car,
Looking forward to my Tudor kitchen fittings,
But thou has’t dropt me, unremitting –
And why? Is’t because of the unusual jam
Of vowels in my name, Jip Jaap Staam?
Or is’t because of my lack of pace,
Or lack of fairness of the face?
Or for foul mouthing my team mates’ names
For the way they play the football game?
Forsooth! I did not! So cans’t not be the book!
Let me ‘stead examine my mock inglenook,
There by the Jacobean TV handle,
For there, keeps’t I, Bell, Book and Candle.
I renounce thee Bell – for thou dost ring
The tocsin’d knell of my departuring,
And tall Candle of my English fame,
I snuff out now thy guttering flame;
But Book! By all the Protestant Host,
I cans’t not renounce what’s written by a ghost –
So truth’s logic tells me this,
‘Tis money at the root of this,
‘Tis the ducats that do greedily
Attract the hungry PLC –
Yes, it must be all the ducats
That Lazio rattle in their buckets.”
(Exeat Staam, in dreamy delusion, muttering about ducats and cancelling his new kitchen on a mobile ‘phone.)

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 .

Notes

To be contd.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/as-staam-likes-it-act-1v/