Football Poets

Boro v Wigan (09-12-2006)

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Today at the Riverside the Boro’s guests are Wigan,
And the crowd – no surprise – is anything but a big ‘n,
It is, in fact, the smallest ever, for a Premiership football match,
And the faithful fans are clamouring for a long-due purple patch.

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 This game promises, I feel, to be a really tough old duel,
Against a team well-drilled, by its manager, Paul Jewell,
Then, much to my surprise and before the game did start,
Came entertainment not too good for this particular old man’s heart.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Although ‘twas bitterly cold: though some might say ‘quite bracing,’
There came a lovely sight: enough to set the men’s hearts racing,
Before our eyes were dancing girls, in costumes oh, so brief,
Quite lovely to behold: more often seen in Tenerife.

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 The show was quite uplifting from this beautiful little bevy,
And though not a ball’s been kicked as yet, the breathing is quite heavy,
Then referee Steve Bennett sadly ended all the fun,
As he loudly blew his whistle and the game was finally on.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Boro’s happy fans were also totally overjoyed,
When Boateng’s recent red card was quite rightly declared void,
Let us now hope that today we see no more repeats,
As we seek to bounce straight back from two recent bad defeats.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Downing’s wondrous cross almost had the right effect,
It required a touch from Morrison but he couldn’t quite connect,
And it finished as a corner that brought some early Boro pressure,
Though it’s very early days, I’d say we’re looking somewhat fresher.

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 But the brilliant Camara didn’t see things quite that way,
And it was left to big Mark Schwarzer again to save the Boro’s day,
The strike was pushed around the corner and the Boro fans all roared,
Then came a towering Scharner header from which he surely thought he’d scored.

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 But Boro’s amazing stopper ensured that Scharner had been spurned,
And the vital thing for Boro was that respite had been earned,
Though Wigan have their tails up and their confidence is growing,
We owe a massive debt to Schwarzer, whose international class is showing.

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Yakubu missed a sitter from a pinpoint pass by Downing,
He headed straight at Kirkland when a goal we should be crowning,
Morrison caught the rebound and the door was still ajar,
But he didn’t even threaten and blazed it wildly o’er the bar.

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Then, of course, it happened: I don’t wish to be unkind,
But, with Pogatetz ball-watching, Boro went a goal behind,
Scharner ghosted in behind him; his fellow Austrian was nudged,
A penalty was awarded and that cannot be begrudged.

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 With the ‘keeper sent the wrong way, Camara turned away in glee,
The lead was well deserved and it could easily have been three,
But for masterful Mark Schwarzer we would surely now be sunk,
So, let’s stay cool & concentrate and show a bit more spunk.

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Pogatetz downed Camara and got his caution number five,
So, with Robert Huth out injured, will Boro’s fortunes further dive?
Leighton Baines let fly a bullet but Schwarz was equal to the test,
So we go in just a goal adrift: most fortunate, I’d suggest.

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 ———-

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 Pogatetz did not appear and Parnaby took his place,
Hoping to lift the Boro in a game we had to chase,
Kirkland’s off to hospital and Wigan bring Mike Pollitt in,
To further thwart the Boro who, it’s hoped, have had a bollickin’,

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 Improvement was immediate in this most important game,
Yakubu had an early chance but his finish was so tame,
When Downing upped the pressure, Pollitt was equal to the task,
But it seems a better Boro now and there’s little more we can ask.

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 Perhaps the great play seen from Downing was just an appetiser,
For we didn’t wait too long to see the vital equaliser,
Viduka played his part and then Morrison showed he has the knack,
By providing such a lethal cross and a tap-in for the Yak.

¶ 17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 He couldn’t miss from three yards: there was never any doubt!
And that now means the end of his seven-match goal drought,
There’s relief around the Riverside: now we must remain aware,
But a glance towards the dugout sees the manager punch the air.

¶ 18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 We had the chance to win it as we camped in Wigan’s half,
But I’d like to thank Mark Schwarzer, on everyone’s behalf,
He was brilliant: quite awesome: and the fans were really worried,
For, early on, we could have been dead and totally buried.

¶ 19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 Wigan’s early domination was quite properly rewarded,
And Boro had no grumble, when a penalty was awarded,
But as the game progressed we could not have sought much more,
And Boro, I concluded, thoroughly earned a hard-fought draw.

¶ 20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 But, though it finally ended level, it was really not enough,
Just four goals in five big matches means it’s getting somewhat tough,
We must start scoring more or we’ll find ourselves marooned,
New signings must be made and the dead wood must be pruned.

¶ 21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 George Kirby
(09-12-2006)