Football Poets

Charlie Bhaji’s Day Out

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Charlie Bhaji’s Day Out

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 It happened on a Tuesday..
– The sky was hot and blue
Charlie Bhaji lay on ‘is bed,
Wondering what to do.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 The sun was nearly half-past nine,
The time was golden blue,
Some mackerel bones lay ‘cross ‘is plate,
..and some toast ‘ee’d forgotton t’ chew!

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 “I wish you’d bring yer plates back!”
Charlie’s Nan would always say..
“An’ I’m fed up pickin’ yer clothes up, Charlie,
..every flippin’ day!”

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 So Charlie rubbed his sticky eyes
and slithered out of bed.
He crawled across the bedroom floor,
One arm above his head…

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 For Charlie was prone to disaster,
like the day when ‘ee fell down the stairs,
– it wouldn’t have happpened except that ‘ee tripped,
on a ball and a couple of chairs!

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 ..And Charlie liked adventurous stuff,
like bungee jumpin’ and snow,
..and wherever the spirit of danger lurked..
Charlie was sure to go!

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 “Today, “ (he said), “I’ll cut a bamboo,
– the King of the Warrior Sticks..
– I’ll learn t’ fence and poke at stuff,
and a couple of other such tricks!”

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Then he looked at his comb and his toothbrush,
‘Ee looked down at two feet and one sock..
“An – if anyone finks that I’m cleanin’ ma teef..
– they’re in fer a bit of a shock!” (he said).

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 With a banging of the door and a running down the steps,
and his Nana shouting “Charlie – get back ‘ere!”
A lad of eight,
jumps over the gate
with a toothbrush and heart without fear!

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Then he runs and he runs as fast as he can,
As fast as his ankles can go..
– ‘Ee runs and ‘ee runs with his head in the clouds
Where ‘ee’s going – ‘ee doesn’t quite know!

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 But he runs ‘till he gets to the end of the street,
He runs past the pubs and the shops,
And then turning a corner, runs into a crowd!
..and a couple of hundred cops!

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 “Wos going on?”, Charlie says to ‘imself,
“Gor Blimey!” (he nearly was saying)
“Come on, lad”, some old bloke shouted,
“West Ham and Arsenal’s playin’!”

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 But Charlie just sniffs and wipes his nose,
(Cos ‘is nose sometimes gets a bit runny),
And ‘ee’s wishing so bad ‘ee could go to the match,
but ‘ee knows that ‘ee ain’t got no money!

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 Still ‘ee follers the crowd for a couple of streets,
– without even wondering why..
‘til ‘ee finds two quid on the pavement,
– enough for some chips and a pie!

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 But – no way enough to get into the game,
at fifteen squids a go!
Amid all the excitement, Charlie’s heart,
Sinks deeper and deeper below…

¶ 17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 Then – ‘ee’s stood near the turnstiles, Gate Number Eight,
where a big round bloke with a bald shiney pate,
is checking the tickets as fans filter in,
..when Charlie sees a wallet, on the ground, beside a bin!

¶ 18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 ‘Ee quickly picks the wallet up – it’s full o’ notes and cash!
And Charlie thinks “I can go to the game!..
..or maybe just make a dash!”

¶ 19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 But the man at the gate, with the bald shiney pate,
follows Charlie with one beady eye..
and he wonders what Charlie will do with the cash
– plenty enough for some chips and a pie!

¶ 20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 Then Charlie steps up to Gate Number Eight,
and ‘ee says to the big round bloke:
“I found this wallet, ‘ere on the floor..
– just take it – this isn’t a joke!”

¶ 21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 And the big round bloke says “Thank you, son..
I’m sure that we’ll find the owner.
‘Ere’s fifty “p” to buy some sweets,
or chips, or kebab, or a “Doner”?

¶ 22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 “I don’t want nuffink to eat” (Says Charlie)
“..but thanks very much all the same!”
The big round bloke leans close to the glass..

¶ 23 Leave a comment on verse 23 0 …“Go on, son, you can go to the game!”

¶ 24 Leave a comment on verse 24 0 .. and he lets Charlie in!
..without having to pay!
‘Cos ‘ee saw that “The boy done good”
and, as one good deed deserves another,
to go to the game – Charlie should!

¶ 25 Leave a comment on verse 25 0 And Charlie got to watch the final
“Arsenal V West Ham”
– better than watching it home on TV..
with a plate of Spaghetti and Spam!

¶ 26 Leave a comment on verse 26 0 The teams played good!
– the match was tough..
With 45 minutes each way,
The players played their hearts out
‘cos they’d waited long for this day!

¶ 27 Leave a comment on verse 27 0 But –
..just before the whistle went
someone floated in a shot..
and all the players chasing it
converged upon one spot!

¶ 28 Leave a comment on verse 28 0 ..and ‘cos they all were so concerned,
to grab possession of the ball,
they all leapt into the air at once..
..not bothered where they might fall!

¶ 29 Leave a comment on verse 29 0 And – fall they did! – All twenty men!
Though it sounds a little bit “steep”
Each one tripped on another one’s legs
– and they all ended up in a heap!

¶ 30 Leave a comment on verse 30 0 And when the coaches pulled them out,
All forty legs were nobbled!
So they gathered round the Centre Spot
– some limped, some crawled, some hobbled!

¶ 31 Leave a comment on verse 31 0 The ref took out his whistle
and he held it too his lips:
“Let’s call it a day, lads,” he quickly said,
“Let’s go get our pie and chips!”

¶ 32 Leave a comment on verse 32 0 But eighty thousand angry fans
let out an enormous “Boooooooooooo!”
And one of ‘em shouted “Cobblers, mate..
Is that the best you can do?”

¶ 33 Leave a comment on verse 33 0 The ref looked somewhat sheepish
‘neath the gaze of so many eyes.
He was trying to get ‘ome fer ‘is dinner..
..but he hated telling lies.

¶ 34 Leave a comment on verse 34 0 “I’ll tell you what”, he said at last,
(not wishing to look like a fool)
“At the back of the Referee’s Handbook,
is a very unusual rule!”

¶ 35 Leave a comment on verse 35 0 ..which says that:

¶ 36 Leave a comment on verse 36 0 “If it’s a Tuesday..
on the Twenty-Sixth of May,
and Twenty players are nobbled so bad,
that none of them can play..

¶ 37 Leave a comment on verse 37 0 ..then the captains nominate from the crowd,
some loyal Tom, Harry or Dick,
And one can be the goalie,
And the other can take the kick.

¶ 38 Leave a comment on verse 38 0 “A single penalty shall decide,
The Loser and The Winner”

¶ 39 Leave a comment on verse 39 0 .. It seems a perfect solution, folks
– can I nip off and get me dinner?”

¶ 40 Leave a comment on verse 40 0 The Arsenal captain stroked his chin,
and squinted through his eyes..
“This ‘ad better be true!” he hissed at the ref,
“..and not one of your famous Pork Pies!”

¶ 41 Leave a comment on verse 41 0 “T’is true enough,” the Ref replied,
“..to give this game an end –
Now go and pick someone out of the crowd
(- this is driving me round the bend!)

¶ 42 Leave a comment on verse 42 0 The West Ham captain turned to the crowd
and picked..The Mascot boy!
“This lad deserves to ‘ave a go..
– ‘ee’s ‘is family’s pride and joy!” (he said)

¶ 43 Leave a comment on verse 43 0 The West Ham fans all cheered as one,
delighted in this choice,
“Then it’s only fair” said the Arsenal boss,
“..that we choose one of our boys!”

¶ 44 Leave a comment on verse 44 0 …But… who?

¶ 45 Leave a comment on verse 45 0 “I can do that!” shouts Charlie,
“’Ee dribbles, ‘ee flips, ‘ee shoots!
I’ve done it a hundred times in me dreams..
I’ve even brought me own boots!”

¶ 46 Leave a comment on verse 46 0 And sure enough, there on his feet,
His boots shone white and red.
(He jumped) over the barrier – onto the pitch,
– nearly whacking his head!

¶ 47 Leave a comment on verse 47 0 You could have heard a pin drop
– and Charlie’s in a dream.
The Ref is mouthing angry words (at the)
Captains of both teams..

¶ 48 Leave a comment on verse 48 0 ..and Charlie’s heart is thumping,
And ‘ee’s nearly poo-ing ‘is pants!
‘Cos ‘ee knows that ‘ee’s so good at football,
..and he’d give anything for this chance!

¶ 49 Leave a comment on verse 49 0 And eighty thousand football fans
fall silent in suspense..
With eighty thousand pairs of eyes..
– the pressure is intense!

¶ 50 Leave a comment on verse 50 0 Then the Arsenal captain turns to Charlie,
(Who’s rooted to the spot)
“If you’ve the guts to show us, my lad..
– then you can take the shot!” (he said)

¶ 51 Leave a comment on verse 51 0 “For ninety minutes we have fought,
a battle on this turf,
and eighty thousand football fans
have seen the game that they deserve!

¶ 52 Leave a comment on verse 52 0 And now, there is no easy way,
to bring this to an end:
So, we agree to trust in you –
Charlie Bahjii, me ‘ol friend!”

¶ 53 Leave a comment on verse 53 0 Now, Charlie’s heart is thumping,
as he gathers up the ball,
As the other kid stands in the goal,
..an awesome silence falls…

¶ 54 Leave a comment on verse 54 0 Now, Charlie kneels to place the ball,
very carefully on “the spot”..
He takes a couple of footsteps back,
and prepares to take the shot.

¶ 55 Leave a comment on verse 55 0 The referee blows his whistle,
and Charlie’s mind’s in a spin,
Then he focuses on the deed in hand..
..on making the ball go in!

¶ 56 Leave a comment on verse 56 0 Then.. Charlie runs, and Charlie shoots
The ball flies straight as a rocket..
and eighty thousand pairs of eyes
are nearly right out of their sockets!

¶ 57 Leave a comment on verse 57 0 The Keeper dives, the keeper rolls,
A mighty ROAR is heard!
The keeper floats in slo-mo,
flying agile as a bird!

¶ 58 Leave a comment on verse 58 0 ……

¶ 59 Leave a comment on verse 59 0 I don’t even need to tell you,
– Whether Charlie scored – or not.
The point is this – that Charlie had the guts to take the shot!

¶ 60 Leave a comment on verse 60 0 He didn’t turn the other way,
or throw the towel in.
He didn’t let his side down (either),
Nor let the others win!

¶ 61 Leave a comment on verse 61 0 But, I’ll tell you this – for what it’s worth,
Tho’ you may soon forget..
The ball flew straight as an arrow to..

¶ 62 Leave a comment on verse 62 0 THE VERY BACK OF THE NET!

¶ 63 Leave a comment on verse 63 0 And forty thousand pairs of eyes,
lit up with triumphant joy..
And all because (on a day such as this)
..of the actions of one “Charlie Boy”.

¶ 64 Leave a comment on verse 64 0 And that boy’s face shone bright as a star,
and fireworks lit the sky,
and the thunderous crowd carried him back to his Nan,
on their shoulders, with ‘is chips and ‘is pie!

¶ 65 Leave a comment on verse 65 0 “Oww my Gawd!” his Nana said,
As the crowd came rumbling down the street,
“Wos ‘ee gone an’ done this time?”
..but forty thousand pairs of feet,

¶ 66 Leave a comment on verse 66 0 Carried him past his Nana’s flat,
past the buildings falling down,
through the centre of the street,
to the middle of the town!

¶ 67 Leave a comment on verse 67 0 The Mayor was there, and so was the Queen,
And the Arsenal captain too,
“You’ve done so good..” the mayor exclaimed,
“That we’ve done some good for you!”

¶ 68 Leave a comment on verse 68 0 They gave him an Arsenal football shirt,
and a ‘normous silver cup,
And Charlie’s face wore a big bright smile,
as he turned to hold it up!

¶ 69 Leave a comment on verse 69 0 And forty thousand pairs of hands
were clapping ‘til they were sore….
..and that’s how this story winds to a close,
(though I could have gone on some more!)

¶ 70 Leave a comment on verse 70 0 ..And I could’ve told how Charlie became
“The Hero of Ramsgate Town”
I could tell the story of how he grew up,
to be strong and to never fall down…

¶ 71 Leave a comment on verse 71 0 But… now it’s time to close this book,
As fireworks turn to stars,
And night descends on a happy town,
– to the hum of some distant cars..

¶ 72 Leave a comment on verse 72 0 Just ninety million twinkling lights
and a moonbeam softly creeps,
across an Arsenal duvet..
Where Charlie Bhaji..sleeps.