Footballers With Beards
¶ 1
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they’re trending now on any pitch
they stroke a furry claim
from Blackbeard to Hillbilly
they litter our great game
they cause Gillette to shudder
the purists find them weird
they’re hairier than mountain bends
those footballers with beards
¶ 2
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they could be strumming banjos
at folk clubs in a vest
they could be dodgy villains
or cowboys in the West
they menace your defences
they leave your young fans scared
beware they’re taking over
those footballers with beards
¶ 3
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we used to love those characters
who left such strong impressions
but now with all that facial hair
we’re robbed of their expressions
they’re football’s Rip Van Winkles
they’re Hanks in Castaway
like ZZ Top and Gandalf
they stand out when they play
they worship Michael Eavis
they bypass you and me
avoiding paparazzi
at Clubs and Glaston’bry
¶ 4
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I worry for their grand-kids
when playing days are gone
as they look back and wonder
just what grandad was on
I prayed it was a passing fad
but no… it’s as I feared
we’ve been invaded by them
those footballers with beards
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