Football Poets

Grazer AK v Boro (17-02-2005)

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 UEFA CUP First Group Phase – First Leg.
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Welcome to the first game in this Euro Cup two-legger,
In the stadium named after one, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
It’s in the beautiful city of Graz, in Austria’s southeast,
And one hopes with all one’s heart that it’s a footballing feast.

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 The temperature is freezing but the pitch has been protected,
So a good show by the Boro is the least to be expected,
Our hosts haven’t played for several months so they’re bound to feel the rust,
Therefore it’s up to Boro to ensure they bite the dust.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 The red and white that greets both teams is totally unreal,
Then comes “The Sound of Music,” to make things positively surreal,
The organ played; the girls they danced; so typically continental,
I thoroughly enjoyed it but it drove poor Bernie ‘mental.’

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 A poor touch by Doriva left Franck Queudrue in two minds,
And it looks already like this might be one of those long grinds,
Bleidelis got the cross in, then came the first pot at our goal,
Schwarzer watching, to his left, had it covered and was in control.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Morrison made a splendid run but was finally forced out wide,
With Downing and Floyd as options, the young lad failed then to provide,
Though he forced our second corner, which we couldn’t quite convert,
When Parlour fell – holding his head – and lay apparently badly hurt.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Thankfully he recovered and once more took up the baton,
Though the game remained quite scrappy and devoid of shape or pattern,
There were signs of some anxiety among the travelling Boro legion,
According to one quick remark by a really well-known Glaswegian.

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Graz then got a free kick, which their big guy, Kollmann, took,
And Ehmann missed a sitter to let the Boro off the hook,
The free kick was outstanding and the situation’s tense,
From eight yards’ out he fluffed it; but where was our defence?

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Downing’s ball to Morrison was of absolute precision,
And he then picked out Reiziger, showing equally good vision,
Reiziger’s shot bounced wickedly and the ‘keeper went full-length,
To palm it for a corner, showing quite exceptional strength.

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Kollmann tucked the ball away, though he knew the game had stopped,
And the ref. decides that yellow’s the correct procedure to adopt,
That’s the current ‘law’ and whilst I do not necessarily agree,
For the remaining 65 minutes he’ll need to tread most cautiously.

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Graz then attacked along the right, which Parlour tried to halt,
But Muratovic skipped by him and continued the assault,
A volley across the six-yard box by Bazina was inspired,
Thankfully it passed by harmlessly with just a touch required.

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Reiziger gave away a corner that was expertly delivered,
And it fell just right for Ehmann and the Boro contingent shivered,
He struck it well from just four yards and Schwarzer called, “That’s mine,”
And the save he made was simply great, with Bolo on the line.

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 The hosts’ attack continued with a little more aggression,
And they managed, within moments, to force two corners in succession,
They didn’t cause real problems and were easily got clear,
To put the Boro on attack, to another resounding cheer.

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 The number nine, Bleidelis, missed an open goal for Graz,
And long may that continue and, in fact, we raise our hats,
He’d found a great position just about the penalty spot,
It was a golden opportunity but his finishing wasn’t hot.

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 As half-time fast approaches we are dropping ever deeper,
And this latest spell of pressure is certainly working Boro’s ‘keeper,
Thankfully for the Boro we did twice get out of jail,
And in a scrappy opening half we had been proven somewhat frail.

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 ———-

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 With the Boro slow to re-appear we hear more operetta,
But soon the game is underway and we hope for something better,
It was immediately clear they’d been kicked up the you-know-what,
When Doriva had a good run and got in a decent shot.

¶ 17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 Increased Boro pressure is applied now by Doriva,
Who flings a ball out to the right with Morrison the receiver,
He brought in Ray who then found Floyd, who didn’t hang about,
And he was closing in on goal then was eventually crowded out.

¶ 18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 Six minutes played and Boro fans are suddenly so ecstatic,
When Bolo gets that vital goal with a finish most emphatic,
His shot from eighteen yards or so was really made-to-measure,
And as it flew inside the right-hand post he wheeled away in pleasure.

¶ 19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 So, the Dutchman had succeeded in finally bursting the Austrians’ bubble,
And now, it’s worth remembering, away goals can count as double,
Then Reiziger was shown a card, with a castigating finger,
After an alleged foul and dramatic fall by the Graz man, Bollinger.

¶ 20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 Morrison showed amazing skill, and how that lad has battled!
In fact, I think it’s fair to say, that Graz are rather rattled,
Then, suddenly, without warning, we were almost seen to fail,
And only the brilliant Schwarzer stop then kept us out of jail.

¶ 21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 It was uncharacteristic, that very sudden Riggott lapse,
But, thanks to our big Aussie, our Boro world did not collapse,
As Riggott gave the thumbs up after his little misdemeanour,
After Schwarzer saved amazingly from the danger man, Bazina.

¶ 22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 Parlour’s knocked to ground with Aufhauser pleading innocence,
Then follows from the referee a little Croatian nonsense,
He deemed Riggott was too slow to take the free kick he’d awarded,
And whilst we all thought it garbage, the Graz fans all applauded.

¶ 23 Leave a comment on verse 23 0 Zenden’s ball out wide to Downing was, simply, really great,
As he left the Graz defender and did then accelerate,
Stewart was closing in on goal with defenders in pursuit,
Then the angle proved impossible though he had the right to shoot.

¶ 24 Leave a comment on verse 24 0 Kollmann bursts inside the box and danger’s imminent,
And the equaliser came, to loud musical accompaniment,
Bazina got the ball and, like the referee, he’s Croatian,
Though, at this time, he’s the best friend of the entire Austrian nation.

¶ 25 Leave a comment on verse 25 0 Credit to the scorer, but we looked somewhat disjointed,
And, though Schwarzer got two hands to it, he must be disappointed,
But this lapse of concentration’s no sign that we’ve gone to the dogs,
Now the hosts are celebrating: I think the tune’s, “March of the Trogs.”

¶ 26 Leave a comment on verse 26 0 But Boro were quick recovering from the hard knock on the bonce,
In the best way that is possible: a wonderful response,
A pinpoint pass from Downing: whose efforts don’t diminish,
Flew right to Jimmy’s forehead and he then applied the finish.

¶ 27 Leave a comment on verse 27 0 Graz then made two changes as they’re once more in arrears,
Hoping – I have no doubt – that this doesn’t all end in tears,
Then we had a bit of luck but the Graz fans all felt sick,
Bazina’s fouled, but flagged offside: otherwise a penalty kick.

¶ 28 Leave a comment on verse 28 0 Graz now have a free kick and Schwarzer’s back’s already arching,
But he was left quite helpless and the noisy ‘Trogs’ again are marching,
The goal was quite incredible, as Schwarzer stood there totally rooted,
So, “Well done,” to scorer, Kollmann, as the stadium’s fans saluted.

¶ 29 Leave a comment on verse 29 0 Within about a minute Kollmann’s copybook was blotted,
But he must have felt like telling the Croatian referee to ”get knotted,”
He was dismissed from the playing field for allegedly having dived,
But we feel the ref. had got it wrong so no pleasure is derived.

¶ 30 Leave a comment on verse 30 0 So, 2-2 it had all ended and we must be satisfied,
But pray we don’t see Trivkovic (ref.) back at the Riverside,
Just seven more days we have to wait for the next game to be played,
And, surely, with two goals away, further progress should be made?

¶ 31 Leave a comment on verse 31 0 With “The Sound of Music” echoing from off the snow-capped mountain,
Will Bernie now be tempted to dip his toes in the frozen fountain?
Or perhaps he may prefer a ‘Tasse Kaffee und Apfelstrudel,’
Before making his way back to the ‘plane and practising his yodel.

¶ 32 Leave a comment on verse 32 0 www.theborobard.co.uk