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Morse

Apollo Gees

Thursday, March 31st, 2005

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 “Well what do you make of all that then, Sergeant Lewis?”

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 “I’m not sure I follow you exactly, Sir?”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 “Well, countless episodes and numerous series,
all set in a quaint city setting, among some of the most
beautiful countryside to be found anywhere this side
of the Equator, covering just about every landmark
of note, especially at the venerable seat of learning,
introducing the masses to the Bodleian Library, All Souls,
Balliol, Keble, Nuffield, Oriel, Queen’s, Wadham et al.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 All that, and yet not one reference to, or sighting of,
possibly the biggest concentration of Oxford’s
inhabitants – neither the Manor Ground, nor the new
place, what’s it called? The Kassam Stadium – I ask
of you, what sort of a handle is that? It sounds like a
bad magician’s stagename.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Anyway, all that’s about to change. Finally, we have
a new missing person’s case to deal with. Apparently,
the management duo of Ramon Diaz and Horacio Rodrigues,
have not been seen in town for weeks now.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Although the thought of having to deal with all those
uncouth football types, fills me with dread. Never
trust a sportsman, I say, too many hormones and
constantly on the the hunt for conquests. Too much
impertinance and appertunances, I say.”

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 “What’s that chant they always sing Sir?
It’s as if they can’t even spell ….
Come on you U’s”

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 “Well it’s hardly opera, is it Lewis?”

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 “What’s Oprah got to do with all this, Sir? Should
I call over to the TV studios to see if they’re there?”

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 “Enough of that, Lewis. What have we got so far? And
before you answer that, let’s go for some liquid
refreshment. And it’s your shout. There’s no crime worse,
than not buying a round.”

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 scene shifts to pub

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 “Well Sir, the only clue I’ve found, is this mad site on the
Internet, the Football Poets.org ….”

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 “Ahhh, the information superhighway – well, that’s one road
I shan’t be taking in my Jaguar.

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 And football poetry? That’s rather a contradiction in terms,
don’t you think, Lewis?
A dissonant derivation. An asinine equivocation.
Anyway, what’s the clue?”

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 “It says :
We’ll not be found
at the Manor ground
nor the Kassam

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 We watch from afar
until the door’s ajar
but really, you’d be better off with Haslam”

17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 “Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it Lewis?”

18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 “I’m sorry, Sir?”

19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 “Well, if you can see beyond the woeful verse :
All points lead to Argentina. Harry Haslam once had
the chance to sign Maradona, but ended up with Alex Sabella.
I think this calls for one of our special episodes in some
sun kissed clime, with racy women jackhammering their
eyelashes at me. Home of Evita, the Tango, the Pampas, Polo
and the only Welsh speaking community outside of Cymru.
Come on then Lewis, hurry up, I can already hear the rotund
femme fatale endevouring * to stretch her vocal chords
in the Colon House.” **

20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 Chief Superintendant Strange :
“Morse! What’s all this about an all-expenses paid trip to
Buenos Aires? I think it’s time I pulled rank on you. Now,
where are my maracas?”

© Apollo Gees, 31st March 2005

Notes

Sorry. Delayed train journey. Too much time to think. (& too little talent)

Inspired by the news item yesterday :

Chairman Firoz Kassam has explained the absence of manager Ramon Diaz and head coach Horacio Rodriguez from Oxford’s two Easter games, in a statement.

He said: “It has come to light that the paperwork presented regarding Horacio and Ramon working in this country was not in order, as we had been advised.

“In order to correct this, both are taking the necessary steps to complete the paperwork.

“Both will then return to the club in the very near future.”
Kassam added: “In the meantime, the rest of the backroom team remain at the club and will continue with their duties, with Jean Marc Goiran and David Oldfield taking charge of first team matters.”

Former Argentina striker Diaz took over as manager in December

All meant in the best possible taste.

Dedicated to the memory of John Thaw, much loved and much missed.

Looking forward to the proposed follow-on series “Inspector Lewis”,
starring Kevin Whateley.

* pun – Endevour – is Morse’s rarely revealed first name.

** The Colon Theatre – The Opera House in Buenos Aires

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/morse/